It’s bathing suit season, ladies and gents. And you know what that means. You may be thinking it’s time to hit the gym, but I’m thinking it’s time to make a wax appointment.
We let things get a bit wild down there during winter. But now that the sun is shining, it’s time for some grooming.
For those of you who are well versed in this department, you know that it eventually doesn’t hurt as bad as Steve Carell makes it look in The 40-Year-Old Virgin.
I’d like to take you back to my first waxing experience.
I started by making the appointment. Imagine talking to a complete stranger with a Russian accent explaining that you want a Brazilian bikini wax. (Brazilian means everything, btw). Yeah, that was not fun. Oh and I was sixteen at the time. It seems young, but I was off to Hawaii!
A few days later I walk into Svetlana’s Waxing Studio and see this blonde Russian lady ready for action. It seemed pretty legit and she had some relaxing music playing.
She moved very quickly and rushed me to remove everything from the waist down. No time for chit chat with this lady.
Then she told me to hop on the table. I did what she told me and laid down as she got everything ready.
The sound of the waxy paper under me reminded me of the doctor’s office. Yuck! At least it was clean, I thought.
I stared up at the white ceiling as she got to work. I felt hot wax being poured on me and then in one quick pull it was gone.
My dear readers, ouch is an understatement. I clasped my hands together and squeezed until my knuckles turned white.
Strip after strip, Svetlana ripped the hair from its roots until my vajayjay was ready for a bathing suit. In just 15 minutes that woman worked her magic and I was ready for Hawaii. I handed her $30 plus tip and walked out of there a new woman.
I guess you could say I’m a waxing pro since I’ve been doing it for the past six years or so. But thinking back to the first time, I would have to agree with Steve Carell’s outlandish screams and yells. Yes, he tells it like it is. It really is that painful.
After a few years your nerves go numb. It’s become second nature to me and is a lot less painful.
Svetlana’s not the only one that’s gotten me bathing suit ready. I’ve had my fair share of waxers. I even had it done when I was studying abroad in Spain. My Spanish is okay, but there were definitely a lot of gestures going on that day. Can you imagine discussing hair removal with a woman who doesn’t speak English? Fun, right?
I’m not going to lie, though. If you’ve never been waxed, your first time will hurt. I suggest taking some Advil before you go in or a friend. A good hand squeeze might do the trick.
Let’s face it, people. We all have hair down there. The tricky part, though, is getting rid of it. Boys, I don’t think you have this problem. But us girls go through a lot to get our beavers sparkling for the summer months.
I know everyone is getting pumped for houseboats and if you’re planning on walking around in just a bathing suit all weekend, I suggest taking care of down there. Make your appointment ASAP. If you’ve never done it before, there’s no better time than now. And if you’re scared, I’m offering my hand for some squeezing.
ERICA BETNUN is less than a month away from graduating and is freaking out. Well, aren’t you? Let her know if you want to give her a job at elbetnun@ucdavis.edu.
