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Monday, November 29, 2021

Editorial: Get from CoHo to Wellman faster

The walk along the north side of the Quad can be like a game of dodgeball as you avoid various people asking you to sign this petition or register for that service. Everyone has their own way to skirt past these pesky individuals, but here are some tips we think can be foolproof tactics.

1. Headphones. Whether it is Taylor Swift or Kanye West or Taylor Swift you’re pretending is actually Kanye West, listening to music is the best deterrent when it comes to the walk. Potential botherers will not want to intrude on your intense music-listening experience.

2. Walk through the CoHo. Rarely, if ever, do the solicitors on the outside venture in to bother people eating in the ASUCD Coffee House. The CoHo will let you out right next to Wellman to avoid all traffic on the outside walk.

3. Claim membership. Drop that little nugget of information, whether it be real or fake, and they will let you continue with your day.

4. Read something. If you have mastered the skill of reading and walking at the same time, do it. The solicitors won’t want to interrupt you if you’re in deep thought in a book. Even better, read something on a clipboard so it looks like you’re one of the petitioners you’re trying to avoid.

5. Ignore them. When the botherers ask you a really direct, sometimes too personal-of-a-question, simply return the inquiry with a stoic face of ignorance and continue with your walk.

6. Fake a phone call. Along the same lines of tip one and four, the solicitors won’t want to interrupt a potentially important phone call. If you don’t want to fake a call, fake a text, although statistics show this seem to be less effective.

7. Zipline. Yes, zipline. Set up a line on top of the MU that travels down to the top of Wellman. That way you can simply fly over the petioners without having to try steps one through six. Obviously, you would have to avoid some trees and low flying birds, but it would be fun and effective. To get down from the top of Wellman, simply rappel down the side. Because if you’re skilled enough to construct a zipline across campus, you’re talented enough to do some simple rappelling.

8. Pick up an Aggie. Roll it up, and smack the pests.

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