Doc Joe is a psychologist and attorney who has consulted with and advised people of all ages. Katy Ann is a licensed marriage and family therapist, who, like Doc Joe, has counseled and advised people of all ages.
The discussion and advice offered in their column is not offered as a clinical recommendation or as a substitute for clinical treatment. Rather, Doc Joe’s and Katy Ann’s comments are intended to stimulate thought, often with a sense of humor. Sometimes they agree; sometimes they don’t. So, read on…
Dear Doc Joe and Katy Ann,
I am a sophomore in a large state university. I would say that things are going pretty smoothly, but I am having trouble making decisions about my love life! I’ve only had one previous girlfriend, and I don’t have much experience to guide my decisions.
Here’s the situation. I’ve been dating “Jill” since February of this year. We met at a Valentine’s Day party, and we immediately hit it off. So, we decided to hang out for a few weeks, and soon decided that we were “going together.” Until last week, I never felt pressured by the relationship. Jill is very pretty, smart and easy to be around. I really do like her.
Well, last weekend, we went to the wedding of a mutual friend, and when Jill said, “That could be you and me in a year,” I almost passed out. All I could think to say was how pretty she would look in a dress like the bride’s. Doc Joe and Katy Ann, I’m only 20 years old, and I feel lucky if I can find my shoes in the morning, let alone start a family. Help!
Dave, in California
Doc Joe: Dave, you’re not alone. Sometimes I have trouble finding my shoes too.
Katy Ann: Joe, I think his point was that he has a lot of maturing to do, and that he does not feel ready for such a major commitment.
Doc Joe: Oh, I see your point. I find that many guys have a difficult time knowing when it’s time to commit. I wonder if the guy who said, “You’ll know when it’s time,” ever knew it was time…
Katy Ann: Dave, I think that your response to Jill’s comment at the wedding was kind and very romantic. But, you seem pretty clear that you are not ready to discuss marriage. You need to be honest. Do you think that you could tell Jill about your feelings for her, let her know that you want to be with her, but also let her know that you need time to do some growing up before you start a family?
Doc Joe: Katy, you are such a romantic!
Doc Joe: By the way Dave, to show that you care, remember to give her a nice kiss and a big hug after you discuss this! You sound like a guy who might be worth waiting for.
Katy Ann: Doc, you’re not so bad yourself.
Doc Joe: Well, there you have it.
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