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Sunday, April 21, 2024

Humor: Freshman artfully dodges past romance in the Dining Commons

“We snapchatted for a few weeks after, then he ghosted me.”

In the Tercero Dining Commons this morning, first-year biological sciences major Katie Smith found herself in the unfortunate position of going to breakfast at the same time as her ex-romantic flame, Trevor Anderson. 

Whilst in line to use the waffle machine, Katie told reporters she saw Trevor enter the dining hall flanked by several of his fraternity brothers. Suddenly feeling self-conscious about her culinary choices and the fact she was by her lonesome, Katie reportedly dashed over to the lowly cereal bar. She resolved instead to eat the remnants of Lucky Charms, mixed with slightly stale Cheerios and lukewarm almond milk. 

She took a seat in the corner, facing the wall, constantly checking over her shoulder to see if Trevor had materialized behind her yet. He made a beeline for Go Live with his faithful crew, preparing to attack a breakfast burrito. Katie swore, however, that they made a millisecond’s worth of gut-wrenching, soul-crushing eye contact. 

“We hooked up the first week when we met at Fall Welcome,” Katie told reporters outside of Redwood Hall later that day. “We snapchatted for a few weeks after, then he ghosted me.”

When Katie noticed Trevor and his friends advance towards the seating area where she had just taken refuge, she took her bowl of barely-touched cereal and headed to dish return, even though her stomach was still growling. 

“Is this how it’s going to be for the rest of the year?” She expressed gratitude, however, that he lived in Old Tercero while she dwelled in the newer building, Redwood. 

After she fled the scene, she opted to buy an egg sandwich and an extravagant Naked Juice at the Tercero market with her dwindling balance of Aggie cash. 

Reporters from The California Aggie reached out to Trevor Anderson but received no response. 

Written by: Kelsey Stewart — kcstewart@ucdavis.edu 


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