Column: Freshman green

Welcome, freshmen. I knew y’all would be here, fucking up our bike lanes and screaming overly friendly statements to strangers, wearing your new outfits and smiling rabidly at all the opportunity and new experiences Davis has to offer. (You know, cause there’s a lot going on in Davis, and that’s why you chose this school.)

Nope, I’m not hating. In fact, three years ago, I was in the same place as you, suddenly very open-minded, so very willing to try new things.

You see, I’m a senior right now. I’ve changed a lot since being a freshman. Instead of being an uptight little square bitch, I slowly opened myself up to people and let myself try new things: commuting via bicycle, going to frat parties and … you know, smokin’ some … dope?

Well, have you tried it? You know, marijuana? Weed, ganja, Mary Jane, dank? The green, green giant?

‘Cause if you haven’t, you should. You really should. Not because you’re in college and you’re crazy, and not because you want to be cool, but because it’s one more new thing to try, and you know what? You might just love it.

I tried weed for the first time in college. It was dark and windy, and I don’t remember how the situation began, but there I was, hidden behind some bush near the ARC with my stoner dormmates (they were totally smokin’ me out, bro), a hoodie around my body to conceal the pipe from the roaring wind.

“And suck suck suck!” my Broseph said to me. “Now hold it in, hold it in and let it out.” And then there was laughter as I coughed my brains out.

Shortly thereafter, my eyelids seemed to be plunging, possibly melting from my face. I stumbled back to my dorm room and stared at myself in the mirror. “I look fucked up,” I said to myself.

And so a legacy began. Since freshman year, my marijuana use has grown exponentially, and I have reaped its benefits. I’ve met the coolest people, done the darndest things and made some great memories while high. Food has tasted better, sunlight has felt better on my skin and everything has been so much more interesting. But the best part of smoking marijuana was that it enlightened me. My thinking changed, my mind opened and I calmed down. Instead of letting the stress of school and life consume me, I saw my problems through different perspectives, enabling me to reassess them. I had many epiphanies. I became chill – Zen, even.

Am I saying that if you toke you’ll be as peaceful as the Dalai Lama? No. I’m only telling you to give it a try. And if you don’t like it, then you don’t like it. Marijuana isn’t for everyone.

To help you on your self-discovering journey, I’ve compiled a short list of advice for the certain qualms that new smokers may experience that may prevent them from wanting to smoke again:

Paranoia: Often times newbie tokers have bad trips, and then they don’t ever want to smoke again. It’s all in your head, babes. You’re not choking, you’re not going to die and the invisible police outside cannot smell it. Take a breather, calm down and have a friend rub your back.

Sleepiness: When you first begin toking, you may want to knock out immediately. Then you think, well, I get so tired when I smoke, so I don’t see why it’s fun. Just keep smoking, and keep yourself up. Soon, when you’re a seasoned toker like me, you’ll forget to fall asleep.

Coughing: Always bring water. When it burns and you’re coughing a lot, you know that you’re going to be really lit. It’s a good thing. But if you’re concerned for your health, there are plenty of other options that are less harsh than blunts and joints, such as ice bongs, vaporizers and edibles. (Note: don’t try edibles until you are ready for it.)

Stench: Febreze is your friend. Smoke outdoors for best results. When coming indoors, take off your jacket.

Dryness: Clear Eyes Extra Strength Redness Relief sells at Walmart for $2. Cottonmouth should be expected. Drink liquids.

Be in good company: Smoke with people you trust. They’ll be there to calm you down as well as entertain you.

Don’t be scared to give it a try. As senior Fiona L. says, “It’s like a restaurant. You step right in, look around, enjoy it a little and leave with a little bit of satisfaction.” And if you really like that restaurant, you’ll go back.

MAY YANG can be reached at mayyang@ucdavis.edu.