Column: Love & war

Pat Benatar had it right when she said, “Love is a battlefield”. Though parachute pants, fingerless gloves and jean jackets have all lost their appeal, love still continues to wage war.

Don’t believe me? Just watch “Jersey Shore”. Ronnie and Sammi get in fights all the time.

The couch in my living room can attest to the great romances, losses and sometimes even angry wrestling matches that love has brought to my roommates. The past few days, we’ve had a friend crashing on our couch because love, and her boyfriend, had been jerks to her.

So, why then do we love? And perhaps, more importantly, why do we continue going back to the same people over and over even though we know it will just mean digging the trenches and starting World War III?

Maybe like Ke$ha says, love is our drug. When we can’t snort a line or take a hit we get those terrible withdrawal symptoms.

Personally, I think the reason love hurts so much is the reason why it’s so important, because we have to take risks and make sacrifices to make it work. Love is a commitment to not give up on someone.

This weekend I saw love in action when my brother and his college sweetheart got married. In all the years they’ve been together I’m sure they’ve done their share of fighting. But they have a relationship based on trust, mutual respect, cats and fine alcohol, so I strongly believe that they will continue to do well in life.

Thanks to the wedding, I was able to see my extensive and somewhat complicated family all together for the first time in a long time. The rehearsal dinner was like Thanksgiving on steroids.

Luckily, no one was stabbed with a carving knife like you see on the holiday episodes of TV medical dramas. Although I’m pretty sure an unlucky waiter did accidentally take a wayward pizza box to the face.

The restaurant was not amused by the way we attempted to fit 30 people into two small tables. But everyone squeezed together, talked together and ate together.

To me that was one of the greatest instances of love I saw all weekend. My family, like any family, has its share of hurt feelings, complicated relationships and pet peeves.

If people decided to act childish or be selfish, the dinner could have been the very World War III that I mentioned earlier. Everyone chose love, rather than war.

The bride and the groom already knew that they were devoted to each other, but despite their better instincts, they decided to have a wedding and let all of us in on their secret.

I’ve often thought that marriage is overrated and that modern weddings have become ridiculous affairs. The perfect example being Kim Kardashian’s recent nuptials, which I’m pretty sure involved 20 tons of rhinestones and a pony.

But the Rabbi who officiated the ceremony reminded us all that weddings are public because they are a celebration not only of the couple’s love for each other, but for the love their friends and family hold for them, as well.

The love we have for our siblings and parents, friends and families, often cause us the most pain and anguish, but that’s because they also have the potential to sustain us as nothing else can.

Except perhaps, cookies.

For that reason, I think we need to sound the battle cry, fire the artillery and continue to beat the crap out of love. I’m not suggesting that you need to stay together with that on-again, off-again boyfriend, or make up with that cousin who you’d secretly like to punch in the face.

But I do think that we need to assess our commitments to those around us and remember that sometimes making personal sacrifices for the love of others can reward us in ways we never expected.

Perhaps my mom was right when she accidentally misquoted Pat Benatar and said “Love is a Ferris wheel.” Maybe love really is a strange ride that goes around and around in circles, simultaneously inspiring awe and the fear that you might plummet to your death at any moment.

So let’s hop on that crazy ride and enjoy. Or not, you choose.

KATE ZARRELLA would like to say hello to all those she loves. Send her some love back at kazarrella@ucdavis.edu.