Column: Next, please

The Internet is a wonderful place. It’s like having the world at your fingertips, no matter where you go. You can buy whatever you want, go wherever you want and talk to whoever you want.

For one 17-year-old teenager from Moscow, the Internet has become a playground. This kid created a website using existing technology to enhance the world of social networking. He called it Chatroulette.

You’re basically using the same tactics you’d use on a Vegas casino floor: Luck. Who will you stumble upon in this land of cyber?

Will you meet Mr. Right or just Mr. Right Now? Who knows? But one thing is certain in this land – all is fair in love and war.

In a matter of 10 minutes during my first Chatroulette experience, I came across not one, but three penises. All of which were being stroked by their owner. Yuck! We don’t need to see that, boys. Save it for the shower!

It’s a place where strangers become friends, where people learn about all corners of the world and where someone may meet the love of their life. But how can you have a conversation about life when you keep getting “nexted?”

Yup, if you’re not up to the standards of your fellow chatter, they will click on the “next” button. And – voilà – a different person will pop up on your screen. Just pray they don’t next you before you next them.

If you’re one of these addicted Chatrouletters who spend more time “nexting” than texting, I highly suggest leaving the romance at the door.

After conducting a bit of research on this website, some of the people just want to see some tits. People hold up pieces of paper with tally marks indicating how many boobs, penises and even smiles they’ve been shown. If you’re lucky enough to stumble across one of these, I would use caution when showing your junk.

Some turn these images into drinking games. I have been told people gather around a computer screen with a drink in their hand, and every time a penis comes on the screen, they have to chug. Man, if I was doing this the other night I’d probably be trashed.

Can you really start a relationship with someone you meet online? Especially on a site like Chatroulette? It’s possible, but I have my pros and cons.

Let’s start with the pros. It’s a great way to meet a lot of people at one time. You can spread your seeds and go on dates. Learn what you want and what you don’t want. Just try it for the free dinners.

Here’s an online success story: My dad has been with his girlfriend for almost five years and they met on Match.com. It’s a great way to meet new people. I wouldn’t want my dad going to bars to pick up women. So thanks, Match.com. You did me proud.

Now for the cons. Some of my friends have used Jdate.com – a site for Jewish singles to find their Mr. Lawyer and Mrs. Doctor. You meet guys and girls who ask for your picture before they ask for your name (how shallow). Sometimes they ask you for pictures of your feet. Maybe keep your fetishes to yourself?

It doesn’t matter if you meet someone at a bar, online or in class. It matters how you feel about the person and if he or she makes you happy.

So for all you obsessed Chatrouletters out there, keep on chatting and nexting. Who knows? Maybe that masturbating creep could be the love of your life. But I really hope not.

Just a word of advice: When using online social networking sites, please use common sense. Don’t give out personal information. You never know who’s on the other side of that screen.

ERICA BETNUN is still a bit traumatized from the penises. If you’d like to share your online dating stories, e-mail her at elbetnun@ucdavis.edu.