Sometimes I wish I were a chimpanzee. I’d finally have license to fling poo at people who annoy me. I’d draw fewer weird looks when crouched in the upper branches of a tree, surveying the quad. And best of all, I’d be at least twice as strong as the average human. This would make Chimp-Beth about four times as ripped as Human-Beth, who is a total weakling. Four-year-olds routinely beat me in arm wrestling matches. Climbing stairs requires frequent time-outs. In the winter, children try to take my arms for snowman limbs.

Being a gay individual, I get asked lots of questions. “When did you realize you were gay?” is a popular one. “How did your parents react?” gets asked a lot, too. My personal favorite is, “How many guys have you slept with?” But the question that everyone seems to want me to answer goes something like this: “So, uhh … when you and your boyfriend go out on like a date or something, who pays?”

I’ve always enjoyed sports. I also consider myself to be somewhat athletic (that is, kind of good at a bunch of sports, but not really good at any specific one). Upon the realization I probably wasn’t going to play sports at a high level anymore (actually, I later played one year of club volleyball for UC Davis), I decided that writing about sports would allow me to maintain the connection.

Keegan Groot usually swims two hours a day and lifts weights for an hour three times a week. Along with individual practice, Groot may clock in around 20 hours of training by Sunday. But for the sophomore exercise biology major and breast stroke-swimmer on the UC Davis’s men’s swimming team, this routine may not last. Groot is one of possibly three hundred student athletes whose teams may be targeted for closure as a result of a projected $2.4 million cut to the UC Davis Intercollegiate Athletics Department.

ASUCD Senate Meetings are scheduled to begin Thursdays at 6:10 p.m. Times listed are according to the April 1 meeting location, the Memorial Union’s Mee Room. Meeting called to order at 6:09 p.m. Jack Zwald, ASUCD president, present, left early Previn Witana, ASUCD vice president, present Abrham Castillo-Ruiz, ASCUD senator, present Adam Thongsavat, ASUCD senator, present Alison Tanner, ASUCD senator, present

The Aggies looked to begin anew with conference play beginning on Friday. With a record of 11-20 in 31 non-conference contests, UC Davis opened up their Big West Conference with a three-game series against Cal State Northridge. The two squads split a doubleheader on the first day of play and the Aggies won the rubber match to take the series.

Going into the weekend, the Aggies knew that they had their work cut out for them. They were right. In a three game series against Cal State Fullerton, UC Davis failed to pick up a win and was outscored 46-13. “It was one of those series where we just couldn’t put it together,” said coach Rex Peters [cq]. “When we hit well enough to win, we couldn’t pitch. When we pitched well enough to win, we couldn’t hit.”

100405_sp_wtennis.cHeadline: Aggies run off seven straightLayercake: UC Davis climbs above .500 mark after beating the Grizzlies, Pilots By MARCOS RODRIGUEZAggie Sports Writer Untarnished and flawless. This is the most accurate way to describe the Aggies’ home record this season and recent seven-game win streak. With wins over Montana and Portland this past week, UC Davis […]

On Saturday, the Aggies refused to allow circumstance to influence their performance. Despite the Johnny Mathis Invitational beginning two hours behind schedule and the occurrence of technical malfunctions, UC Davis showed not only its composure and discipline, but also its talent.

Wednesday’s contest seemed to be going the Aggies’ way. UC Davis was up 3-2 over Montana and only needed to win one of the two remaining matches to seal a victory. Then Mother Nature caused the match to be postponed until the next day.

MONDAY Native American Culture days On-campus Look for posters throughout Davis and the Cross Cultural Center for events from today through Saturday. Public Health Week Symposium 5 to 7:45 p.m. Genome Building Auditorium Check out the start of Public Health Week, with guest speakers who will address topics such as “Promoting Health through Healthy Communties,” “International and Community Nutrition” and much more. Project Compost 6 p.m. 43 Memorial Union Attend the Project Compost volunteer meetings and learn how you can help them divert organic waste around a campus. Sigma Nu Rush: Game Night 6 p.m. 525 Oxford Circle Head on over to Sigma Nu and watch the championship game with the brothers. Loxi Rush: Sit-in Meeting and Speed Dating 8 p.m. Wellman 216 Go check out how the lovely ladies of Lambda Omicron Xi – a community service sorority – operate during a meeting! “Speed Dating” will follow to get to know the sisters better! Visit Davisloxi.net for more info. Delta Lambda Phi Rush: Pizza Night 7 p.m. Woodstock’s, 219 G St. Get to know the brothers of Delta Lambda Phi – fraternity for gay, bisexual or progressive men – over slices of pizza.

How to Train Your Dragon and Alice in Wonderland stand as the current top two movies at the box office, and with Clash of the Titans appearing in theaters today, 3-D movies may soon sweep the hits list.