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Davis, California

Saturday, April 20, 2024

HUMOR: Alcohol should be the Sriracha in your life, not the actual meal

Alcohol, like Sriracha, is the nectar of life — but only in moderationheadshot_yr

I eat the same lunch every day. It’s disgusting and boring.

I find the cheapest frozen, boneless, skinless chicken breasts Costco has to offer, pretend to season them, throw them on a pan and plate them. They’re so dry that I feel like I need to moisturize after every meal.

I only eat these breasts because they make it much easier to manage my calories, something I really value. With the same calorie amount coming in throughout the day, I can go out a couple times a week and eat truly delicious, interesting food with zero guilt. I’d rather eat chicken breasts Monday through Thursday so I can have Jamaican soul food with beignets for dessert on Friday.

I haven’t had a mental breakdown yet because of one reason and one reason only. It’s over the counter, decriminalized and pretty cheap, too. The drug in question is made by a Vietnamese company that might be a little sketch but, I mean, no one’s actually died from this stuff.

It’s Sriracha. And if it weren’t for Sriracha, I’d either be dreading every meal or I’d never be able to go to the pool without taking my shirt off. I really do love Sriracha.

But I don’t eat Sriracha with every single meal that’s not cardboard-textured chicken breasts. I don’t eat it by itself, although I have lost bets and had to take shots of the stuff. And you know what? You can eat chicken breasts with ketchup, or with garlic aioli or with seasoning that doesn’t come pre-mixed in a box.

I see alcohol the same way I see Sriracha.

Going to college parties sober is not ideal. Alcohol is fun (for most people). And alcoholism in college is real and it’s sad and it should be recognized for what it is, but plenty of people are able to drink only recreationally, and as a means to an end.

Because it’s nothing more than a condiment. You don’t go to a party to get drunk. You go to a party to meet people. You go to a party to spend a couple hours not thinking about your midterm and your job applications and your nagging parents.

And you can drink outside of sweaty house parties –– I heard a rumor that other colleges have like, really good sports teams, and the sports games are insane, and people actually make a big event out of their home games.

I don’t know if it’s true because I go to UC Davis, but I bet those folks aren’t going to those games just to get drunk –– they’re going to represent their schools, to cheer on their peers and to bond with their community. The drunkenness aspect is there, and I won’t deny that it’s fun, but it’s not the primary reason.

I don’t cook Sriracha with chicken breasts, even though it feels like that most days. The sriracha is a welcome addition, but it’s never my meal. And that’s how I view alcohol. Alcohol absolutely makes large, social events more fun. But it’s not the one and only way that I have fun.

The cliche goes that variety is the spice of life. I say alcohol is the Sriracha you put on after you realize you have no idea how spices even work. Either way, I hope no one in our community is eating spices or condiments for their meals. Learn to use it just right and be seasonable.

Written by: Yinon Raviv — ravivyinon@gmail.com


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