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Sunday, October 24, 2021

Humor: Jared Kushner saves legendary weed joke in Twitter drafts, waits for 4/20

CAITLYN SAMPLEY / AGGIE

Hell ya bro

“Bro, check out these socks,” Jared Kushner said to a New York Times reporter as he pointed to his socks. “They’re HUF socks. You see that? It’s weed. Well if my name ain’t KUSHner!” Jared said this as he winked heavily, indicating to the journalist that he was making an elaborate weed pun based on his last name. The White House staff in the room gave a collective sigh, as though they had heard this joke a million times.

“He seriously does not shut up about the weed thing. I kid you not, he makes a weed pun at least twice a day, more if Trump is around,” one anonymous White House staffer said. “Recently we were in a meeting talking about the whole Kim Jong-un situation, and out of nowhere, Jared interjected, ‘Why don’t we just smoke him out?’ referring to the NKPR leader. I said ‘What do you me-’ and he interrupted saying ‘I COULD JUST SMOKE HIM OUT IF MY NAME AIN’T JARED K U S H NER.’ Trump just started uncontrollably giggling at this joke. Then Trump and Kushner just started trading weed puns the entire time. They ended up making the meeting about weed puns instead of international policy.”

Kushner bragged to The Aggie that he had the absolute most amazing tweet lined up for April 20, an informal holiday for the infamous Mary Jane.

“My father-in-law, Trump, whom I also affectionately call ‘Daddy,’ will be very impressed with how funny and viral I am,” Kushner said. “I can’t wait to show him how amazing and funny I am and also prove to him that he should legally adopt me as his son. That would be nice.” Kushner’s voice trailed off as he started to stare out into space and tear up. He also oddly got an erection at the same time. The Aggie promptly ended its interview.

Kushner stood up, shouting “KUSH BABY,” as he exited the room.

 

Written by: Aaron Levins — adlevins@ucdavis.edu

(This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)

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