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Sunday, April 21, 2024

Humor: Jeff Bezos looks to virtual assistant, Alexa, to fix his marriage

Can Alexa save this marriage?

Every day, more information about Jeff Bezos’ infamous affair with Lauren Sanchez hits the news cycle. However, what still remains a secret are the details of his divorce from his longtime wife, MacKenzie Bezos.

According to credible sources, Jeff Bezos has been putting all his trust in his virtual assistant, Alexa, to mediate their separation, which could lead to a loss of $70 billion for the Voldemort look-alike Amazon tycoon.  

Jeff has put Alexa into overdrive by asking the questions he should have asked MacKenzie before they tied the knot. Questions like, “Alexa, what’s MacKenzie’s favorite color?” “Alexa, what does MacKenzie like to eat?” and “Alexa, how old is my mistre — I mean wife, again?”

According to Alexa’s records, Jeff has not paid much attention to MacKenzie since she helped him build Amazon from a small online bookstore to the world’s most valuable company.

As Jeff continues to confide in Alexa, MacKenzie has been fooling around with Google Home behind Jeff’s back, and things have gotten steamy. To get back at Jeff, MacKenzie told Google Home that she’s willing to “risk it all” for their emotional connection.

Jeff has a long road ahead of him if he thinks he can win MacKenzie back through Alexa. Although this divorce has been extremely private, we now know that Amazon’s Alexa and Google Home are ready to “satisfy.”

Written By: Hilary Ojinnaka- hiojinnaka@ucdavis.edu

(This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)


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