In other words: bus beef
By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu
If you have ever ridden on a Unitrans bus line, you have probably noticed the friendly disposition of the drivers. I have seen the drivers chatting with each other before their buses depart and overall having an admiral little community. Once on the road, the drivers will wave at each other in passing. Sometimes, having such an amazing public transport system running on undergraduate student labor feels surreal.
However, one of my extremely reliable sources informed me of a “black sheep” within the Unitrans community.
“I waved at him at the stop sign downtown, and he ignored me!” my source said in complaint.
This seemed pretty dramatic, so I confirmed with other sources about the meaning behind an ignored wave. Apparently, it’s very offensive to ignore a fellow Unitrans bus driver.
“One time, I almost crashed the bus trying to wave!” another bus driver confirmed. “But it’s essential.”
Anyway, the current rebel in the Unitrans driver community has consistently forgotten to wave at every fellow bus driver who passes by. This has created serious tension between the drivers, because the majority of the Unitrans drivers need that friendly validation to enjoy their otherwise terrifying and tiring job.
To mitigate the problem, a driver staff meeting was called to discuss the joys of getting students to class on time, but secretly the meeting was orchestrated to corner the rogue driver at the end of the meeting and get answers. Once the meeting adjourned, three Unitrans drivers circled the culprit and asked, “Why do you hate us? What did we do to you? Who do you think you are?”
The accused driver was extremely confused and started getting increasingly anxious.
“I’m not sure what you mean,” he said.
“You know what you did!”
“What?” The driver was holding back tears at this point.
“You never wave to us!” they finally clarified once they saw the tears streaming down his face.
Apparently, this driver never got the memo that you had to wave since he had just become a driver two weeks ago. Suffice it to say, the drivers felt pretty bad for the confrontation and devised a plan to apologize. The driver was scheduled for the W route the next morning, so they planned to set up his bus to say “W driver” on the little screen on the front and shower him with gifts and praise. However, they never got the chance because the driver quit the next day.
When asked for a statement, all he said was a combination of many curse words I don’t wish to repeat.
Well, Unitrans is hiring, so if you’re interested, practice your waves for the interview.
Written by: Allison Keleher — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu
Disclaimer: (This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)
