They’ll get back together in a week
By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu
Just when I thought the Unitrans bus lines were in harmony again, there appears to be more drama. One of my sources in the bus garage informed me that the M bus has been seen sobbing in the corner at night instead of resting. Apparently, it is normal for buses to cry at night after transporting smelly students all day long. However, the M’s cries have been consistent enough to get some attention. When she leaves in the morning, there’s a puddle of windshield wiper fluid where she rested. This excessive crying has resulted in the M line being consistently late due to her fatigue.
On the other hand, the W has been seen mingling with other Silo bus lines during their breaks. One of my sources reported that he was driving down Hutchison Drive with the V and VX on either side of him. Apparently, he likes their company.
To those of you who aren’t up to date with Unitrans bus line romance, this is breaking news — the M and the W are typically in a relationship. I say “typically” because they are together about 80% of the time. The M and the W are notoriously on-again, off-again; Sometimes they are on the same route, and sometimes they will split apart. However, when they are apart, both are seen pining for the other, resulting in their reunion soon after.
Interestingly, this doesn’t seem to be the case this time. The M is a wreck, and the W is consorting with other ladies. So, it’s time for a good old-fashioned investigation.
I secured an interview with both parties by pulling some strings with my Unitrans contacts, starting with the W. When asked about the status of his relationship with the M, he informed me that she’s “doing too much.”
Unfortunately, this was extremely vague, and I didn’t get much information out of him for the rest of the interview. However, to summarize, I think the W is in the wrong since he’s leaving out so much information.
When I met up with M, I brought some tissues, which were very helpful since she couldn’t stop tearing up during our interview. However, this interview was much more lucrative. In other words, she spilled the tea.
It took a while to get to the meat of the drama, as she was very scattered. It started out with her statement that he “doesn’t put her first” and that she’s “over it.”
Between each statement was several moments of tissues and crying, which I handled with a lot of care, given that I needed the drama. After patting her on the side (I can’t reach her back) and consoling her for many hours, she was able to calm herself down. If you weren’t aware, this is peak investigative journalism.
Here’s the drama: The M caught the W scrolling through Instagram model bus accounts with their tailpipes out. In the past, the M has made it clear that she feels uncomfortable with him looking at other buses in that way because she feels like he doesn’t respect her. When she confronted him, the W started gaslighting her into thinking that he had never done anything. However, she saw it with her own two headlights.
The W is sticking to his story that he didn’t do anything wrong and that the M is off her rocker. So, he’s filling the void with other Unitrans bus lines. However, his best friend, the J, claims that this is “all a front” and he’s “hiding his true feelings.”
I decided to investigate further and snuck into the bus garage late one night. Most of the buses were sleeping, some of them snoring, except for one. It was the W-EX, the W’s twin. The W-EX was hiding in the corner giggling over his phone, and, lo and behold, he was looking at Instagram bus baddies. Case closed.
Once this information was revealed that the M had actually caught the W’s twin brother looking at other buses, the M and the W rushed into each other’s windshield wipers.
“I’m sorry I ever doubted you!” the M said.
The W was equally as emotional.
“It’s okay, I love you my M&M!” the W said.
Now, they can be seen cuddling at night in the bus garage, but we’ll see how long that lasts.
Written by: Allison Keleher — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu
Disclaimer: (This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)
