BOOM or DOOM: UC Davis edition

The Rizzler (me) has spoken

By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu

UC Davis is a well-known institution with many bright students and faculty who support the advancement of higher education. With that being said, as a student of this university, I feel it is my duty to share with you the brain rot that is The Rizzler — a young boy on the Internet who rates items from Costco with the Costco Guys and gives them either a “BOOM” for “good” or a “DOOM” for “bad.” Now, I am essentially bringing the BOOMs and DOOMs to UC Davis.

The basement of Shields Library. DOOM.

LeShelle May. BOOM.

The egg salad sandwich in the vending machine in the Olson Hall basement. DOOM.

The Pantry. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM.

Slow walkers. DOOM.

Running into friends on campus. BOOM.

Muscular man on a bike, riding full speed into a girl on the sidewalk. DOOM.

People who noisily pack up to leave the lecture early. DOOM.

Electric scooters. DOOM.

Bugatti electric scooter. BOOM.

On-campus jobs that don’t hire you. DOOM.

LinkedIn influencers. DOOM.

Unitrans. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM.

Riding a bike in the cold without gloves on. DOOM.

The person I keep making awkward eye contact with in the library. DOOM.

Red Bull ambassadors. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM.

Scary pre-med students. DOOM.

Staying in the library until 10 p.m. on the first week of the quarter. DOOM.

My Peet’s Coffee order not looking like the right color after I just spent $7. DOOM.

Experiencing someone else’s Peet’s Coffee order all over my backpack after it just spilled three lecture rows behind me. DOOM.

Digging up a squirrel’s nut it just buried in front of them. BOOM.

Sitting on the second floor balcony of Wellman Hall as the sun sets. BOOM.

Eating a crepe from the Silo. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM.

Spokes french fries. DOOM.

Aggie Mental Health ambassadors approaching me on a bench and asking me if I’m okay just because I’m sitting alone. DOOM.

The Grove, Surge III, lecture hall. DOOM.

Making “Come as you are” jokes. BOOM.

In conclusion, UC Davis. BOOM.

Written by: Allison Keleher — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu

Disclaimer: (This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)