America has been unfairly deprived of the cheeky indoor cig

The case to end the ban on smoking indoors

Picture this: you’re hard at work, hunched over a desk on the third floor of Shields Library studying for a midterm worth 25% of your grade. As you scramble to cram weeks of lectures into a single study session, you feel a familiar wave of anxiety — your chest feels tight and your breathing shallows as you come to terms with your fate. The prospect of a jobless future seems more a reality than ever before — wouldn’t it be great to pop a cigarette in your mouth and light it? As the nicotine triggers a blissful headrush, you could puff away the stress, ready to take on any challenge that comes your way.

Unfortunately, this isn’t a feasible reality anymore. If you were to light a cigarette in Shields Library today, you’d be met with disapproving scowls, pointed coughs and would probably be ordered to vacate the premises. As anti-tobacco campaigns made the American public aware of the alleged “negative health impacts” of cigarettes, once-venerated institutions began to issue bans on smoking indoors.

These draconian laws were issued by anti-cigarette propagandists who were most likely resentful of their inability to participate in underage smoking as teenagers. This projection of misery and discontent bred a widespread anti-cigarette vendetta — a concerted and organized effort to deprive the rest of the American public of the natural beauty of the nicotine headrush.

Nowadays, if you desire a cigarette, you have to go through the painstaking process of going outside and finding a spot away from the disapproving stares of the general public and at least 10 feet from the entrance of the nearest institution. This is an abomination — who could possibly have the capacity to take time out of their busy schedule just to find a place to smoke? Instead, I propose a return to the days of smoking indoors.

An entirely unbiased and groundbreaking 2026 study found that lifting policies on smoking indoors could be the solution to the United States’ mental health crisis. The study, kindly sponsored by Big Tobacco, reveals that the increase in the number of anti-smoking policies is correlated with increased rates of mental health diagnoses like anxiety and depression. In response to the study, tobacco companies have urged lawmakers to legalize smoking indoors as a way to counteract a growing mental health crisis.

We asked people here in Davis to comment on the proposed changes to anti-smoking legislation. One man, who preferred to remain anonymous, expressed his support for the legalization of smoking indoors, mentioning how the habit looked “sick as hell.” Another individual also elected to share their opinion, stating that “It’s been really hot outside: when I wanna smoke I can’t really be bothered to move.” Some parents even shared how smoking indoors would provide a much needed break from the demands of family life. One parent said, “If my kid is annoying me, I might blow some smoke on them and it’ll probably go away.”

As our world becomes increasingly tumultuous and uncertain, why not implement a simple and much needed solution? Smoking indoors would provide a productive way to counteract daily stressors while looking really cool. So ignore the glares of concerned parents, lame onlookers and annoyed Uber drivers — we all deserve the pleasure of a cheeky indoor cig.

Written by: Anjali Iyer — amiyer@ucdavis.edu

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed by individual columnists belong to the columnists alone and do not necessarily indicate the views and opinions held by The California Aggie.