To stay in or go out, that is the question

No matter what you choose, someone will think it was the wrong choice

The constant push-pull required of a high-commitment social life, coupled with intense academics, is a cornerstone of a university experience — or is it?

A person's college experience is unique and deeply personal. Some students may prefer to focus on their academics, throwing themselves into every career-focused club or group they can find and choosing small, low-key gatherings for their social lives. Others may get a thrill from the constant race between academics, clubs and a busy social life — often working into the late nights or operating with little sleep. Many may fall in the middle, allowing the rigidity of their school week to oscillate with their schedule, living happily in both worlds.

There isn’t a right or wrong way to have a “college experience,” and yet, constant judgments disguised as advice ring in my ears. If you enjoy going out and being social, you’re criticized for not taking your academics seriously, or — god forbid — not “acting like an adult.” But, if you choose to lean into wellness and focus on academics, a false narrative is pushed that you’re not taking proper advantage of the flexibility and fun university provides.

In popular media and culture, the idea of wellness as a young adult has resurged, with a newfound emphasis on exercising, eating healthy, prioritizing sleep and, above all, taking care of your body. From exchanging a busy social calendar for a calm movie night and 9-10 hours of sleep, to an increasing number of students outwardly admitting they prefer to stay sober when socializing, it seems like a generally positive message.

And yet, hell hath no fury like a college graduate scorned. I’ve seen both graduates and adults criticize the emphasis new students are putting on their well-being, claiming (rather dramatically) that it's ruining students’ overall experience. The underlying message is that if you’re not partying every weekend and simultaneously pulling a 4.0 GPA and new internships, you’re not allowing yourself to have the true “college experience” (whatever that even means).

The fact is, if you’re young and utilize your free-will, your lifestyle changes will almost certainly be criticized. At no other point in your life are the adults around you almost drooling as they wait to live vicariously through you — and are inevitably disappointed when you don’t do exactly what they would. Dually, at no other point do you feel the immense pressure of being a brand-new, independent adult for the first time whilst making important and long-lasting decisions for your career and education.

Your lifestyle, social life and education are deeply personal choices, and for an unknown reason, others feel inclined — or even entitled — to discuss them as if they’re arbitrary decisions you make on a whim. Not only this, but I find that there’s an interesting dynamic between the two competing (but similar) perspectives: college is essentially a time vacuum. Somehow, your entire personality and disposition will change to become more “serious” or more social; almost an expectation that who you were before university is null.

I don’t argue that people don’t change when they come to college. There are certainly a plethora of instances where you arrive on campus and almost immediately change; I’d even say it's important to change throughout your four years in university. The core of what I'm getting at, however, is emphasizing a version of college that isn’t one-size fits all — one where you’re not changing your desires to match the bend and will of alumni or full-grown adults who attempt to give you life “advice.”

These four years are yours, and yours only. Become every version of yourself you want to, be as social or as hermit-like as your heart desires. Meet new people and try new clubs, sports and experiences.

In the end, the so-called “college experience” is as unique as everyone says it is, but that’s why it's so incredibly important to allow yourself — and only yourself — to dictate what it is. Engulf yourself in the wellness culture if that’s what makes you feel good; meet 10 new people every single week if that’s what you're all about. Your college experience is yours for the taking, and you mustn't give it away.

Written by Amber Duhs — alduhs@ucdavis.edu

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