Campus Gossip Column

‘Cheeto, Cheating?!,’ ‘Gunrock ends vow of silence’ and ‘CoHo selling more than coffee’

Cheeto, cheating?!

Campus celebrity Cheeto, the infamous orange cat, was seen last week far from his home in the Physics Building. Concerned students and staff observed that he spent most of his time at the Chemistry Annex.

While the Physics Building could not be reached for comment, an anonymous student who wishes to remain anonymous due to safety concerns, said he saw Cheeto sneaking to the annex at night and dragging his belongings with him.

Cheeto’s representatives declined to comment, but the Chemistry Annex responded, asking residents of Davis to respect his privacy at this time.

This shocking split comes at a time when Cheeto is under suspicion for accepting bribes and leveraging his power at the College of Engineering. Is this move simply to avoid further scrutiny, or has he tossed the Physics Building aside now that his ruse was found out?

Gunrock ends vow of silence

Beloved mascot Gunrock plans to announce the end of his vow of silence at a press conference next week, according to sources close to him.

Gunrock has followed a vow of silence since his reinstatement as the official UC Davis mascot in 2003. This long commitment has led many students to believe that he doesn’t speak because he is a horse.

Sources say that he will hold a speaking engagement on April 3 at 2 a.m. outside of the Horse Barn to announce his retirement from athletics mascotting duties.

Sports fans speculate this move is in protest of the demotion of the Equestrian team, a topic near to his heart as a horse.

Our confidential sources report that Gunrock will continue to be active on campus, intending to become the arts mascot instead. But more importantly to students, what will his voice sound like?

CoHo selling more than coffee

Savvy students know that the CoHo isn’t just a place to study and sip, but also to remit your sins. Sources within the CoHo report that indulgences are being sold along with drinks and pastries.

If true, this would be quite the scandal, as the sale of indulgences has been banned since 1567. On the other hand, it gives Davis students a rare opportunity to buy their way out of damnation. The CoHo would be the only coffee shop in Northern California to sell indulgences.

Whispers of protest of the alleged sales have been stirring, so anyone wishing to catch this underground deal should make it to the CoHo soon (while supplies last and baristas can still safely provide them, our sources say).

To test if the rumors are true, order an iced Pope Leo X latte at the CoHo between the hours of 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. Make sure to look penitent enough, our sources warn, otherwise the baristas will make you a smoothie with coffee grounds rather than a cup with a certificate.

Some who partake complain of the high price, reporting around $8 per indulgence. Have indulgences become another victim to expensive coffee and cost of living?

Written by: Hannah Osborn— arts@theaggie.org