Opinion
Humor: What your Smash main says about you
HumorFebruary 12, 2019
The list is just as unorganized as the character select menu Super Smash Bros. Ultimate is unquestionably the most inclusive Smash game yet, possibly even the best Smash game released (apart from their menus — literally why did they decide to make the most irritating changes they could?). All of us who like to settle […]
A worthwhile debate or a reward to virtue signalers and trolls?
ColumnFebruary 11, 2019
Some Catholics, Native Americans and Black Hebrew Israelites walk onto the Mall… After video of what appeared to be a group of MAGA hat-wearing Catholic teens taunting a drum-playing Native American went viral, more videos emerged over the next few days that contradicted the original interpretation, presenting a clearer picture of the event. A wave […]
Everybody may have their different political parties, but everybody hates Tomi Lahren
HumorFebruary 8, 2019
Everybody Hates Tomi Lahren! So if you guys haven’t heard, the bold and suburban political commentator and former Fox News host Tomi Lahren emerged from the fiery pits of white privilege to tweet “5 billion spent on a wall will be the BEST $5 billion taxpayers EVER spent!” After the longest government shutdown in U.S. […]
The problem with “woke capitalism”
ColumnFebruary 8, 2019
How the marriage of market capitalism with social progressivism trades the interests of the worker in favor of profit While it may have already fallen out of relevance in our ever-accelerating news cycle, Procter and Gamble Co.’s Gillette ad targeting so-called toxic masculinity stirred up yet another culture war frenzy last month. The commercial, praised […]
NFL exploits civil rights leaders for PR gain
EditorialFebruary 7, 2019
Super Bowl highlights league’s hypocrisy in addressing racial issues Last Sunday, about 100 million people tuned in to watch Super Bowl LIII and witnessed the New England Patriots defeat the Los Angeles Rams, 13-3, in the lowest scoring Super Bowl in history. While the game itself was rather uneventful, the National Football League nevertheless used […]
Humor: Student takes wrong turn in Death Star and ends up in Narnia
HumorFebruary 6, 2019
She didn’t C. (S. Lewis) it coming “Where… Where am I?” Wanda Her asked, looking at the forest surrounding her. An equine figure trotted menacingly towards Her from the shadows. “You’re in Narnia,” Gunrock said, emerging from his blanket of darkness and leaning against a lamppost. “How can that be?” Her asked. “Just a second […]
Humor: Davis Bike Blammer spotted targeting Jump Bikes in latest attacks
HumorFebruary 5, 2019
He’s back, maybe for good Last year, The California Aggie issued a report on the dirty deeds of the now-infamous Davis Bike Blammer. After a manhunt with no resolution and a large number of minor injuries and emotional scars, the Davis Bike Blammer disappeared seemingly permanently. That is, until today. Several bike accident reports from […]
How Tulsi Gabbard threatens the Democratic status quo
ColumnFebruary 5, 2019
A populist progressive enters the presidential race You may have missed it among the many Democrats who declared their presidential bids this month, but Hawaii Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard has voiced her intention to run for the highest office in the land — and she may be the most interesting candidate yet. A young, charismatic woman […]
I had a shot at the military. Why shouldn’t a transgender person be able to?
ColumnJanuary 31, 2019
The reality of recruitment means everyone deserves a chance to serve It wasn’t long after my freshman year of high school that I developed a plan that’s exceedingly common for young men trying to figure themselves out: I would join the military. There would be no question because it runs in the family. My great-grandfather […]