Opinion

Land of the free and incarcerated
ColumnDecember 19, 2018
America must decide if it wants to rehabilitate prisoners or continue punishing them America prides itself on being number one in many categories, but there’s one “first place” title we hold that shouldn’t be a point of pride — leading the world in most incarcerated citizens. The United States makes up only 5 percent of […]

The hypocritical gaps in Republican party’s pro-life stance
ColumnDecember 17, 2018
Being “pro-life” often stops at policies concerning abortion The majority of people are indeed “pro-life” — it’s just that liberals are generally not willing to trade the life and free will of women for the life of an unborn child. The real question is the degree and duration of one’s “pro-life” position. It’s understandable if […]

Humor: Crafty ideas that’ll trick your loved ones into thinking you are indeed broke
HumorDecember 11, 2018
‘Tis the season to be stingy So, you’ve got people thinking you’re a walking, talking, credit-free, interest-free, ATM machine? Well, if that’s you crying in the corner, allow me to give you some tips on how to solve this problem. Rule #1: Speak it into existence, beloved. One of the main reasons you give and […]

Selectively defending the First Amendment
ColumnDecember 11, 2018
Democrats and Republicans cite the right to free speech only when it’s convenient for them This summer Nike launched an ad campaign featuring former NFL player Colin Kaepernick, sparking controversy and outrage from many, including President Donald Trump. This is because Kaepernick, starting in 2016, protested social injustice — specifically unjustified police violence — by […]

Cartoon: Cowspiration
HumorDecember 10, 2018
Written By: Diana Olivares — deolivaresvalencia@ucdavis.edu

Humor: Mr. Trump or: How I learned to stop worrying and sell weapons to the Saudis
HumorDecember 10, 2018
EMBRACE THE BOMBS! Ugh. I’m so bored. I just feel like making absurd amounts of cash through selling disgusting degrees of dangerous weapons to the people who helped fund 9/11. I mean, what else is there to do? I own property all over the world, I’ve been with most of the available prostitutes and porn […]

Humor: This Article is Not Offensive
HumorDecember 7, 2018
I am pleased to announce that my articles are no longer extremely offensive, and I’m no longer a horrible person I am reformed. After recently writing an extremely offensive article, getting fired by The Aggie, writing an extensive apology and getting provisionally rehired, I am beyond proud to announce that from this point forward, nothing […]

You’re more important than your grades
EditorialDecember 7, 2018
Take care of your physical, mental health during finals The realization that finals week is approaching is typically followed by unanimous groans in the classroom, a spike in one’s blood pressure and a sudden and blatant disregard for one’s sleep schedule. In the student community, taking care of one’s mental and physical health, which should […]

Cartoon: Finishing The Quarter
HumorDecember 7, 2018

How social media is eclipsing books
ColumnDecember 5, 2018
Teenagers, adults spent more time on social media than reading books, magazines, newspapers The year is 2018, and no matter where we are, it’s quite a common sight to see people immersed in their virtual universes on their cellphones. Whether it’s at a café or even a family gathering, social interactions have been somewhat replaced […]

Humor: Unitrans B Line miraculously arrives on time during peak hours
HumorDecember 3, 2018
Probably the most shocking thing to come out of this year so far In a freak accident of inexplicable proportions, the Unitrans B Line arrived at the Memorial Union perfectly on time during the 1 p.m. bus rush today. “I don’t know how to describe what it’s like to get here on time for once,” […]


