Opinion

Writer’s block is a real bitch, let me tell you. The last time I was genuinely creative was when I made a model house built entirely of restaurant-style Tostitos and Que Bueno! cheese.

“A mile a day keeps the doctor away.” That’s an old proverb I just made up.

Even people who don’t follow politics are subject to its consequences. This becomes far more apparent when times are bad than when times are good.

I’m a housewife in training.

For the past three years, I’ve lived with a group of eight incredible individuals. Yes, eight of them – six girls, one cardboard cutout of Legolas and one dinosaur.

So while wasting the all-too precious winter break away (i.e. through browsing Yahoo! articles), I learned that the three most common New Year’s resolutions are losing weight, quitting smoking and drinking less. Although these facts caused some snickering on my part at the narcissistic nature of us Americans, it hit me that I have never even really bothered to have a New Year’s resolution in my 19 years of existence. (The elementary school ones when you make stuff up like “I will wash my dog better” don’t count. That probably wasn’t something to be very proud of, either.) This was enough to get me motivated to bust out a pen and paper – or rather, open a Word document – and attempt to write a list out.

I’ve known Frank since grade school. When he tells me he wants to go to the open casting call for the reality-TV show “Survivor,” I’m neither shocked nor surprised. I’m not proud to admit it, but we’ve been watching that shit since we were 12. On paper, “Survivor” is a show where a group of strangers compete for $1,000,000 while stranded on an island by voting one another off until two are left. Once you get to the final two, you have to persuade the people you voted off why you deserve to be the last remaining survivor. Then they vote for who they think that actually is. Of course, we were too young back then to understand the backstabbing beauty of corporate culture in a yearly campaign to pervert natural wildernesses, one third-world country at a time. We just liked watching people lose it.

If you are a human being – or a just monster – then you love Lady Gaga. I love her, and I know you do, too. If you don’t, you just haven’t been brought around yet, or you’re too ironic to admit that she is awesome. But she is, so just admit it already.

Student activists were outraged in December after ASUCD President Joe Chatham vetoed a senate resolution expressing a vote of no confidence in UC President Mark Yudof and the UC Regents.

Hello again, my friends.

“Two thousand ten” or “twenty ten?” Someone make a call on that one already, please. It’s the year Davis gives me the boot, so efemel. I made it through winter break without hitting a car or eloping with my cousin Ashley’s boyfriend. Oh karma, les jeux sont faits – your ass is mine. That was ’07 Michelle, and she’s very sorry about that.

Welcome back, ladies and gents! I hope you had a happy Hanukkah, a merry Christmas, and rung in the New Year with a glass of champagne. Here’s to 2010!