Humor

Don’t ask us where the milk comes from In a recent investigation, it was discovered that UC Davis’ iconic cows are in fact not livestock and are actually UCD students in costumes attending a class. Apparently, the general education class ASS101 (Animal Sociological Studies) requires pre-vet students to spend an entire quarter in cow suits, […]

“We just want to show students we care” With the pandemic now close to reaching the one year mark, UC Davis is determined to help struggling students. So the entire Mondavi Center has now been turned into a giant ball pit and three cheese pizzas have been ordered for the entire student body. “We wanted […]

It got kind of awkward Tom Brady just punched a ticket to his tenth Super Bowl, but this will be the first without his long-time head coach Bill Belichick. Last season, the rift between the two resulted in Brady taking his talents to Tampa Bay. With last weekend’s victory, it is evident to Brady that […]

And it’s not for the reason you think It was Jan. 4 when I walked into that Bed Bath & Beyond. I wasn’t satisfied with the pillows in the bed section, but as I was about to leave I accidentally stumbled into the beyond section. It was there waiting for me. When I bought it […]

The beginner’s guide on how to get away with buying dog food when you don’t own a dog We’ve all been there: caught red-handed buying dog food by someone who knows that you don’t own a dog. Or maybe the Trader Joe’s cashier asks what kind of dog you have after noticing the dog treat […]

I killed it The pandemic has really brought me a lot of financial anxiety recently. Even if the world economy is more anxious than I am, I still tried my best to get some kind of monetary support. So a few months ago, I decided to venture out and try to get a nose job.  […]

And much more… Weeks ago, I found a dead squirrel. You may be sitting at home reading this thinking, “This isn’t newsworthy,” or maybe even: “I think this guy killed a squirrel.” This isn’t my first rodeo—and by this I mean that I have come across many dead squirrels in my time on the planet. […]

Oh no, this is some really bad news Bad news, guys. A Pfizer employee just ruined all COVID-19 vaccines. You guys know who did it? Matthew J. Pfizer. Yeah we all knew it was him—he’s so irresponsible. We all know he only got this job because he’s a Pfizer. Nepotism. Classic.  How did this happen? […]

Hi everyone on the newspaper! I have not used a keyboard before because my mom does not let me but I came to write a story about why I know Santa is real. Also I am sorry because I am only five years old so sorry if I don’t have good handwriting. First, I went […]

But you really wanted to be there though! In 2019 the Irish Exit was simple: float out of a gathering you no longer want to be a part of like a ghost. Some argue it’s bad etiquette––I argue that it’s a humble move. There are no awkward goodbyes or falsities like: “Man, I really wish […]

The case for giving malaria a gun We’re all tired of this pandemic. The doctors have tried to solve this problem with their curve-flattening, freedom-violating restrictions. The experts have tried to solve the problem from their ivory towers with their Harvard degrees. We don’t want to wait around for a vaccine. It’s time to solve […]

“This costs how much?” According to UC Davis’ Schedule Builder website, “course material and service fees have been waived for the Winter 2021 Quarter and will not be charged (except for some professional schools program fees).” As such, UC Davis students have collaborated to take the most expensive classes they can before the university realizes […]