Humor

People love fads, but not enough to keep them around, apparently Our top reporter R.E. Porter is back from his summer cavation. No, not vacation, and not a staycation. A cavation. He spent the entire summer sitting in a cave, thinking. Despite repeated efforts to get R.E. Porter to report, he was reportedly suffering from […]

“All of us are making sacrifices, guys” Chancellor Gary May sits in his office at the top of Mrak Hall. He stands next to his window and looks across the courtyard leading to Shields Library. He rubs his forehead and talks into his phone. He is on a conference call. “We’ve been putting it off […]

“How can we keep screwing students if there’s a pandemic?” In this series of investigative pieces, The California Aggie investigates how the COVID-19 crisis has affected individual lives in our community. “Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats,” announces a hooded figure from the head of a skull-shaped table. Her throne is ash black, and […]

Guidance and wisdom for trying times — from an unlikely source Reporter R.E. Porter is typically tasked with analyzing health and science issues, reporting on leaked government documents or interviewing world leaders. But this week we thought we’d give him a break by assigning him a totally different type of story. To get some different […]

Should I even talk to him? I walked by the Memorial Union last week and it was completely different. COVID-19 cleared out the campus. Except for one guy.  I walked past with my groceries, and the MU Preacher was still there — an icon of UC Davis. He held a bible in his left hand. […]

Today’s “Rant and Rave” column RANT: To all the doctors. Doctors these days, am I right? What’s the deal with them, anyway? I went to the hospital recently to see if they could check out these symptoms I’ve been having that have been driving me crazy for a week or so now. My doctor was […]

And all of them are bad Eric and Tim erupted into laughter.  “I love when you tell that story man,” Eric said. “You know what, we’re smart and funny people! We should make a podcast!” Tim replied. “You’re right. In fact…” Eric rifles through his backpack. “Let’s just do it now.” He pulls out his […]

Expanding limited voting opportunity to greater numbers of fewer people The coronavirus pandemic threatens to throw America’s elections into chaos. Luckily, Senate Republicans have proposed a brilliant plan to guarantee that our elections can safely go ahead across the country, no matter what. The bill guarantees widespread voting access for as many eligible voters as […]

A defeat to exceed the embarrassment of the nation’s 2014 loss to Germany? At the 2014 FIFA World Cup, Brazil suffered what was arguably the most humiliating and catastrophic defeat in its footballing history, losing 7-1 on home soil to Germany. Star forward Neymar was ruled out after fracturing a vertebra in his spine in […]

College Democrats upset they can’t protest it In this series of investigative pieces, The California Aggie investigates how the COVID-19 crisis has affected individual lives in our community. “This is a violation of free speech, you know.” Benson Rickman sinks into his chair. “This whole…” he gestures, “coronavirus thing.”  Rickman is the executive chair of […]

It’s nothing personal For over 40 years, I’ve lived happily just off Main Street in an affable, amiable, agreeable little town where the Bible Belt meets the Rust Belt and the rubber meets the road, doing honest, blue-collar work at an honest, blue-collar factory that specially produces the highest-quality blue collars for America’s strongest, sturdiest, […]

News from the future  “Apple, ” says Alan Chen, gesturing with his finger. “Apple,” agrees Terry Fulton, who points to the card between them. “Good.” I am sitting down at a table, observing this session and taking notes. Terry Fulton, 28, was a UC Davis student during the Great Coronavirus Outbreak of the early 2020s. […]