Humor

New chancellor already in hot water before stepping foot in office A few months after being assigned his new role, future chancellor Gary May has already made a huge mistake. Appearing on the hit television show Jeopardy!, May introduced himself as the future chancellor of “UC Riverside.” He then added a “Go Aggies” to the […]

Earth-shattering exhibit to open this June They say if you love something, let it go, because if it was meant to be, it will come back to you. Unfortunately, sometimes things are just too far gone. The UC Davis community learned that lesson Thursday when some local history majors dug up an ancient artifact from […]

Fifteen-year battle with internet finally resolved with weight room wifi The UC Davis Activities and Recreation Center (ARC), which for years boasted zero cell phone service and absurdly long lines for squat racks, has finally installed a router in the weight room that will allow students to access the internet. Nearly 15 years after the […]

Local animals take nation by storm in new tell-all show Once seen nearly solely on the UC Davis website, Instagram and Facebook feeds, the UC Davis cows are hitting the small screen. Animal Planet has decided that it wishes to get involved in Davis’ local cow obsession. Located near Tercero, the UC Davis cows have […]

Donkey Jack Ascot forcefully removed from presence of other animals after causing a scene The stables used by the Animal Science department are often quaint and quiet, full of animals who live near each other in harmony. However, donkey Jack Ascot has always felt that he’d do better in the theatre and dance department, so […]

Making the most out of your self-destructive habits Look, we all want to be the best version of ourselves and make our greatest ambitions a reality. But let’s face it: We’re all hot garbage and we probably won’t. However, there’s a way to trick yourself into thinking that you’re going to absolutely kill Spring Quarter, […]

Life can get lonely as a pastry at the CoHo, especially if you’re not a cinnamon roll or chocolate-filled croissant. Pastries can’t help but imagine a better life — one in which they aren’t trapped behind a pane of glass, but living out their wildest fantasies. “In my dreams, I’m either an astronaut or a […]

Reveal of classified information sends shockwaves through UC Davis In a shocking breach of classified information, Wikileaks announced Wednesday that it obtained damaging information about Shields Library at UC Davis. The documents obtained revealed that although the doors at the library appear to be automatic, they actually open because of how repulsed they are by […]

What’s an extra $150 anyway? DAVIS, CA — As a “journalist,” I’m often able to report on stories that have a real fake impact on the population at large. These stories have the power to inform and shape opinion, to transform the world around us. But it’s rare that a story comes along like the […]

Life became so much darker for Beefy Cowlhoun after he hit those wretched teen years If you thought that the phase of heavy eyeliner, terrible taste in music and worshipping Hot Topic was exclusive to humans, you’re wrong. Beefy Cowlhoun turned one year old this last weekend, which, as we all know, is 14 in […]

A look into avoidance tactics students use against weirdly friendly solicitors Who’s that person who just said “hi there!” to you with such enthusiasm? Is it your best friend? Is it a coworker you’re running into outside of work? No. It’s a stranger who would like you to take “just one minute of your time” […]

Treat Trump like the bigoted preacher on the quad There’s a Westboro-esque character on campus who shows up every day at the quad to preach. His sermon never changes. He tells us that we’re all going to hell. He takes out a Bible and shouts vile things. That we’re all adulterers and sinners. That our […]