Humor

Don’t forget the sunblock. Ever. A sunny day at the beach, not a cloud in the sky — yet Ashley Fairskyn had no idea of the hidden menace. The lurking predator. But it was far too late before she realized that this monstrosity had already sunk its teeth into her flesh. “That was its name,” […]

Tension rises as apartment reaches a sweltering 87 degrees Residents of West Village were startled today as they witnessed 22-year-old Rachel Weissman Cordon, of apartment 21B, search for the roommate responsible for using the oven for over 45 minutes at approximately 3 p.m. “I will kill whoever made it hot as heck in here. Literally,” […]

Temporary knowledge learned for exams has left me unable to spell basic words, remember Founding Fathers Summer has barely started for we quarter system schmucks, and my scholarly ways are already escaping my cranium like bats out of hell. That’s right. As a consequence of trying to get some “well-deserved” me-time, I’ve found myself lacking […]

Expectations versus reality Summer is a wonderful escape from the stresses of school. After finals week, essays and other super relatable things that you’ll appreciate and find funny, students look to summer as the bastion of hope for saving their mental health. But guess what! Summer is mostly the same futile existence they had during […]

Yes, an actual bubble Jonathan Byers, a first-year plant biology major, recently realized that he’s been living in a bubble his entire life. It took coming to college for him to arrive at this life-changing revelation. Oh yeah, it’s like a real bubble. With a ten-foot circumference. “No one decided to tell me my entire […]

Spring Quarter all but wipes out the spirit of the student body As the end of the quarter nears, signs of life within the student body are getting harder and harder to find. Campus morale is lower overall, with the Facebook memes pages taking some dark turns, even for college meme pages. Students are burning […]

New chancellor confused with layout of quarter system, attempts to leave while school is still in session Gary May, the former dean of Georgia Tech’s College of Engineering, has spent a significant amount of time in Davis after being named the school’s new chancellor. May has worked closely with Interim Chancellor Ralph Hexter to learn […]

My past and current selves are like heaven and hell — one wants to set herself on fire We’ve reached that beautiful time of the year in which everything is on fire and there are events on Facebook inviting fellow students to scream in unison to release the kraken within that we refer to as […]

Library AC gets to Werk™ As finals week rolls around, students are beginning to ask a lot of hard-hitting questions that really demand answers. Questions range from whether the syllabus is going to be on the final to whether it’s unhealthy to sustain a diet purely of CoHo bagels. However, the most pressing question on […]

Gary May apparently did not understand that he’s the chancellor of UC Davis Reporters from The Aggie interviewed Gary May, the current chancellor of UC Davis, about how he felt regarding the direction of the university under his guidance. We found Gary May in his office, constructing a Lego replica of the USS Enterprise from […]

School to replace popular coffee establishment with something actually useful Big improvements are coming to the UC Davis campus. With Silo renovations beginning in June, the university will be replacing all Starbucks locations on campus. After much deliberation, it has been decided that the Silo Starbucks, as well as all other locations on campus, will […]

Man in costume dressed as legendary childhood villain less than thrilled with safety of lecture hall UC Davis saw a visit from a famous fairytale villain after Memorial Union renovations were completed last month. The Big Bad Wolf, from The Three Little Pigs, stopped by the campus in order to test out the new building’s […]