Humor

Couldn’t think your way out of being a worthless sack of meat, could you? Albert Einstein has long been considered one of the greatest minds of our time. Advancements in science, math and truths about the universe can be attributed to his vast body of work. With only the power of his mind he established […]

“More garbage can, less garbage can’t” Some people miss their childhood years. They miss the innocence, the carefree nature, the bitchin’ Legos. I’ll admit I miss the Legos, but I’m so goddamn happy that I’m getting older. Not to say that crossing the 20-year-old mark is some threshold that grants instant maturity and wisdom, but […]

First-year who graced us with his presence proceeds to prove his heroism UC Davis student Robert Quail wasn’t just born; he was crafted by the gods. In many ways, you could say he’s an angel just by virtue of his very existence. It’s extraordinary to think that we almost lost our savior to the Golden […]

It’s perfectly logical The illustrious UC Davis dining commons have it all. Vaguely ethnic food, Captain Crunch, rare salad dressings, apples, parfaits and diabetes can all be accessed through your custom meal plan. But there is one thing that under no circumstances can you obtain at the DC. That elusive treasure? A fork. Students have […]

Russell Field construction halted after grassroots movement and precipitation After the controversial proposal to build administrative buildings and housing on Russell Field, rain and local protests have halted the development of any new plots on the cherished fields. Russell Field, the home to club and intramural sports such as rugby and ultimate frisbee, has been […]

Students face perilous conditions when left out in rain Students at UC Davis are constantly forgetting where they parked their bikes. It’s a tale as old as time. But a recent event has turned the tide on this familiar narrative. According to a police report recently obtained by The California Aggie, a bike called 9-1-1 […]

He’s doing a lot of bad to the world, but he’s doing wonders to my self-esteem As a straight, white, coastal elite male, I have it rough. All my role models are trash. Everyone hates my tribe these days. Every time I check Twitter I see some other guy who looks like me doing something […]

Student Daniel Fallon is just the man ladies are looking for Every so often, God takes just a little more time on one person than the others. In the year 1996, this person was Daniel Fallon. When it comes to having a unique personality, Fallon runs circles around the average Joe. His favorite movie is […]

This rock is real DAVIS, CA — After a unanimous decision by KDVS staff, the freeform radio station will air an hour of interim Chancellor Ralph Hexter passing a kidney stone the size of a mature blueberry. The Aggie spoke with KDVS DJ DeadCow5, who explained that, in order to be at the very forefront […]

Davis Campus Readers feel heat after inviting dead author to campus Davis Campus Readers (DCR), a book club at UC Davis, has had its funding cut and will be forced off campus by the end of Winter Quarter after providing a platform for some questionable speech. The club asked Ayn Rand to come speak to […]

Don’t take the Enneagram in front of your friends “My parents met through a personality test.” A few years ago, my friend in high school was trying to convince me to take a personality test called the Enneagram, and I was in no mood for any crunchy, Berkeley, spirituality mumbo jumbo. I’m a man of […]

Davis Campus Readers feel heat after inviting dead author to campus Davis Campus Readers (DCR), a book club at UC Davis, has had its funding cut and will be forced off campus by the end of Winter Quarter after providing a platform for some questionable speech. The club asked Ayn Rand to come speak to […]