Opinion

Hell ya bro “Bro, check out these socks,” Jared Kushner said to a New York Times reporter as he pointed to his socks. “They’re HUF socks. You see that? It’s weed. Well if my name ain’t KUSHner!” Jared said this as he winked heavily, indicating to the journalist that he was making an elaborate weed […]

Planned Parenthood kicking it up a notch The Center for Disease Control published a study last week revealing that humans are actually parasites rather than apex predators, as initially thought by many hypermasculine men, warmongering politicians and corporate maggots. “We finally determined that humans are indeed parasites,” said John Mueller of the Division for Parasitic […]

It’s time to ban road salt and make better anti-icing alternatives Deer like salt. I found this out during my last trip to Yosemite after a deer ran across the road and forced the person driving to tap the brakes. We slowed at every bend in the road after that, and we were surprised to […]

Yolobus ain’t *BLEEP* but hoes and tricks A great philosopher once said, “A diva is a female version of a hustler.” But I happen to disagree. Contrary to popular belief, I think that a diva is actually a person who refuses to ride the Yolobus because of her own personal aversion to most public transportation […]

IQ is no longer the judge of smartness and success One of the shortcomings of our education system is that we are never explicitly taught how to learn. Of course, we’re all told what skills the best students have, but that’s merely a matter of pattern recognition — anyone with an invested interest in their […]

Could we survive? There is an old saying that goes: If a tree falls in a forest and nobody is around to hear it, did it actually fall? Well try and apply that to Davis. If UC Davis existed anywhere other than Davis, would it still contain all the cute little quirks that make Davis, […]

Political hits a reality, not fiction in Russia One February night in Moscow, a Russian opposition leader and his lover were walking home from a dinner date. As the couple crossed the Bolshoy Moskvoretsky Bridge, a large vehicle pulled up beside them, blocking the only working camera within range. Several gunshots rang out. Moments later, […]

One crazed student is kicked out of school after sharing controversial opinion When the universe created winter quarters, it made sure that, no matter the odds, every single time the air went cold, students would hate their lives. Returning in January always feels a bit stupid, like that one dumb chick in every horror movie […]

Protect yourself and others from the flu If you haven’t had tissues and bags of cough drops stuffed in your pockets this month, you probably know someone who has. The outbreak of the H3N2 influenza strain has made recent headlines by causing a deadly flu outbreak across the country, with California as a hotspot for […]

More candidates for ASUCD should bring fresh ideas With the exception of Winter Quarter to Fall Quarter of 2015, winter quarters in recent memory have typically held higher voter turnouts and a greater number of candidates running for Senate, with approximately double what they were in the fall. The higher voter turnout, however, isn’t necessarily […]

American history books fail to recount Pancho Villa’s 1916 attack on the United States Pancho Villa, a Mexican revolutionary from the early 1900s, is recognized as one of the most iconic figures in Mexico. He’s famous for being a great general and a bandit due to his tendencies to loot and pillage. However, he was […]

We found all the extinct animals, too After the hardly surprising revelation that Hell’s fire is fueled by its vast underground oil reservoirs, the U.S. military has unrelatedly declared the area a possible terrorist hotspot and is set to invade next week. No demons have been spotted in the area, although it is full of […]