Humor

Hubba Hubba   By CARMEL RAVIV — craviv@ucdavis.edu   Davis is often compared to Paris, mainly for how they share being the “City of Love.” Admit it, you can’t help being swept up in the romance of Davis, California and all of the eligible bachelors/bachelorettes. Even the cows are procreating for Tercero residents to see! […]

Put the pedal to the metal!   By AUDREY ZHANG — aurzhang@ucdavis.edu   UC Davis’ title as the biking capital of California is under threat. UC Berkeley recently declared plans to open a new School of Clownery to try and consolidate all their idiots into one contained place. This year marks the completion of Berkeley’s […]

All that luck is going to mess with the curve   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu   One week ago, a first-year undergraduate student was reported to the Office of Student Support and Judicial Affairs for having an unfair advantage in the CHE 2A midterm exam. The anonymous report stated, “We were only allowed to […]

I don’t check my bank account because I don’t need that toxicity   By CARMEL RAVIV — craviv@ucdavis.edu   Girl Math, a comforting concept in this money-driven, neo-capitalistic society — the idea that some purchases simply do not count. Here are some examples of Aggie Math here on the Davis Campus.   Anything you purchased […]

Seriously, get a garage   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu   If you are a resident of North Davis, or have ever lived in North Davis, you have experienced the stifling sexual tension between two Unitrans bus lines, the G and the J. For a little background, the G bus transports multitudes of students to […]

The sports teams may not participate    BY ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu    The 2023 Freshman Draft, the 37th edition of the University of California, Davis’ annual draft, was held on Oct. 1, 2023, at the U Center.  In accordance with the traditional rules, the least recognizable organization receives the best odds of receiving the […]

L’Chaim, bruh   By CARMEL RAVIV — craviv@ucdavis.edu   Have you ever seen walls sweat? Smelled a B.O. cocktail of 100 people in a single basement? Stepped in a puddle of possibly beer, piss or vomit to the sound of no one getting the words right to Pepas? Then you must have been to a […]

Donations are accepted and also required   By ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu    A slice of Key Lime pie was left in the refrigerator by my lovely and soon-to-be-dead housemate. It’s unclear how long, but I would estimate that it’s between four weeks and a month. It quickly became clear that no benevolent God would […]

Nothing. Just kidding. But…   By CARMEL RAVIV — craviv@ucdavis.edu   What felt like a year that would last a lifetime is now coming to an end. My unique first-year experience has passed me by as I move on to bigger, better and more private things. That said, I must reminisce and pay gratitude to […]

Incoming freshmen are the future of America. Hoorah!   By CARMEL RAVIV — craviv@ucdavis.edu   As this tumultuous school year comes to a close and we shed our prolific senior class, it is time to welcome an exciting new generation of Aggies. They will carry the torch of this great institution’s legacy and relish in […]

Help, I’m being replaced   By ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu    When I heard that comedian and UC Davis alum Hasan Minhaj had been formally invited to speak at the 2023 commencement, I just assumed he had already said yes. But, no (the opposite of yes). They were “just asking.” I didn’t realize that UC […]

“It reminds me of the weather back home,” Satan said   By OWEN RUDERMAN — opinion@theaggie.org   “Summer vacation destination” isn’t usually the first thing that comes to mind when thinking of Davis, CA. Most people get out of the Central Valley during the hotter months, visiting family, taking a trip to the Bay Area […]