Humor

The event invites students to open their hearts, mind and wallets (but mostly their wallets)   By CARMEL RAVIV — craviv@ucdavis.edu   If you came by the MU Quad a week ago, then you must have experienced the toe ring booth, soothing sounds of the wind catchers, tie-dye everything and a bunch of walking advertisements […]

I am suffering from the consequences of my own actions   By CARMEL RAVIV — craviv@ucdavis.edu   Every week or so, I have a paper to write, a midterm to study for, a reading response to do or math problems to solve. It’s crazy to think all of these mundane little tasks eventually add up […]

100% guaranteed. You can sue UCD if these don’t come true.    By ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu    Aries: Your utilities will be about the same as last quarter. Maybe a little more. Capricorn: Childproofing your house isn’t just for expecting parents. It’s also for idiots who come home drunk and walk into the dinner […]

So the frat boys can frat better!   By CARMEL RAVIV— craviv@ucdavis.edu   After a superintendent meeting discussing the vitality of fraternities at UC Davis, Chancellor Gary May realized that we need to do better to accommodate them. After all, they have done so much for campus social life and student alcoholism, without doing any […]

Yeah, pregnancy is a big deal. But what if I scrape my elbow?   BY ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu    What’s the worst thing that could happen as a result of sex? Unwanted pregnancy? STIs? Emotional damage? What about jamming your finger? Sixty percent of college students will injure themselves during sex, with 15% breaking […]

He keeps commenting on the “loaminess.” Is that even a thing?   By OWEN RUDERMAN — opinion@theaggie.org   Last night at my party, Brandon Flynn, a freshman in the Davis Brewing program, showed up and started telling everyone who would listen that he “actually really likes IPAs.” I don’t know who invited him, but it […]

Not literally, just metaphysically   By CARMEL RAVIV — craviv@ucdavis.edu   To be honest, I’ve been hitting the gym a lot lately and just PR’d on bench press (35 lbs), so I feel confident in my ability to take out my frustrations and show off my two months of Krav Maga practice. I’ve been eating […]

Your choice reveals characteristics about you!   BY ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu    Pick an option.   Option 1: Bleh. Boo! This is the worst one of these. Everyone agrees. Nobody likes this one, so you must be a bad, not good, person.   Option 2: You’re okay. You picked the safe option, which is […]

Bicycle <3   By CARMEL RAVIV — craviv@ucdavis.edu   Transportation via bicycle is extremely popular at UC Davis. Almost too popular, if you ask me. After years of observation and careful research, I have deduced that you can tell a lot about a person by what kind of bike they ride. Here are my findings. […]

Get the senior citizens out of here   BY ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu    Y’all old as hell. Get out of here. Walking around like you own the place. The only thing you own is pre-arthritic joints and an inability to answer the question, “So, what do you want to do next year?”  I know […]

Not, like, for freshmen. Hunting for freshmen. Yeah.   BY ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu    It’s Thursday again, and in the Mee Room gathered around the conference table, squabbling, monologuing and occasionally throwing pens, is UC Davis’s student government. Like most nights, there are more coffee cups than people. And like every night, 90% of […]

I am not open to suggestions   BY ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu   9:00 am – Read the group chat full of “Are you ready to partyyyyy!!!???!!??”  and consider going back to sleep and ignoring everyone. 10:00 am – Mimosas at Cheryl’s. Thanks for hosting Cheryl! 11:00 am  – Obviously, by this time you will […]