Humor

Seriously, get a garage   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu   If you are a resident of North Davis, or have ever lived in North Davis, you have experienced the stifling sexual tension between two Unitrans bus lines, the G and the J. For a little background, the G bus transports multitudes of students to […]

The sports teams may not participate    BY ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu    The 2023 Freshman Draft, the 37th edition of the University of California, Davis’ annual draft, was held on Oct. 1, 2023, at the U Center.  In accordance with the traditional rules, the least recognizable organization receives the best odds of receiving the […]

L’Chaim, bruh   By CARMEL RAVIV — craviv@ucdavis.edu   Have you ever seen walls sweat? Smelled a B.O. cocktail of 100 people in a single basement? Stepped in a puddle of possibly beer, piss or vomit to the sound of no one getting the words right to Pepas? Then you must have been to a […]

Donations are accepted and also required   By ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu    A slice of Key Lime pie was left in the refrigerator by my lovely and soon-to-be-dead housemate. It’s unclear how long, but I would estimate that it’s between four weeks and a month. It quickly became clear that no benevolent God would […]

Nothing. Just kidding. But…   By CARMEL RAVIV — craviv@ucdavis.edu   What felt like a year that would last a lifetime is now coming to an end. My unique first-year experience has passed me by as I move on to bigger, better and more private things. That said, I must reminisce and pay gratitude to […]

Incoming freshmen are the future of America. Hoorah!   By CARMEL RAVIV — craviv@ucdavis.edu   As this tumultuous school year comes to a close and we shed our prolific senior class, it is time to welcome an exciting new generation of Aggies. They will carry the torch of this great institution’s legacy and relish in […]

Help, I’m being replaced   By ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu    When I heard that comedian and UC Davis alum Hasan Minhaj had been formally invited to speak at the 2023 commencement, I just assumed he had already said yes. But, no (the opposite of yes). They were “just asking.” I didn’t realize that UC […]

“It reminds me of the weather back home,” Satan said   By OWEN RUDERMAN — opinion@theaggie.org   “Summer vacation destination” isn’t usually the first thing that comes to mind when thinking of Davis, CA. Most people get out of the Central Valley during the hotter months, visiting family, taking a trip to the Bay Area […]

The event invites students to open their hearts, mind and wallets (but mostly their wallets)   By CARMEL RAVIV — craviv@ucdavis.edu   If you came by the MU Quad a week ago, then you must have experienced the toe ring booth, soothing sounds of the wind catchers, tie-dye everything and a bunch of walking advertisements […]

I am suffering from the consequences of my own actions   By CARMEL RAVIV — craviv@ucdavis.edu   Every week or so, I have a paper to write, a midterm to study for, a reading response to do or math problems to solve. It’s crazy to think all of these mundane little tasks eventually add up […]

100% guaranteed. You can sue UCD if these don’t come true.    By ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu    Aries: Your utilities will be about the same as last quarter. Maybe a little more. Capricorn: Childproofing your house isn’t just for expecting parents. It’s also for idiots who come home drunk and walk into the dinner […]

So the frat boys can frat better!   By CARMEL RAVIV— craviv@ucdavis.edu   After a superintendent meeting discussing the vitality of fraternities at UC Davis, Chancellor Gary May realized that we need to do better to accommodate them. After all, they have done so much for campus social life and student alcoholism, without doing any […]