Humor

Can we stop breaking the Geneva Convention for 5 minutes? In the days following their country’s most recent act of violence and pure unadulterated evil, UC Davis students struggle to focus on their studies. With political unrest and long-stemming systematic discrimination of minorities a constant, for some reason students just can’t be bothered to remember […]

It’s just a fancy candle holder, what’s the big deal? Guns get a bad rap. After all, it’s people who kill people—with guns. But that last part isn’t important. Because it’s people. Bad people. Terrible people. Maybe even people you know. But definitely not people you know, actually, just other people, who are bad people. […]

Vacation whenever the moment strikes (Texas hard) Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) is going to Israel! On May 15, Cruz made comments criticizing President Joe Biden’s decisions about the violence in Israel and promised to visit in the coming days. The senator’s office has not given a concrete schedule to the press due to security reasons.  […]

“You Tried.” Yes, quicktrophy.com, yes I did I’d like to begin by outlining the participation trophies of my past: 2007: Little League Softball. “Everybody is a winner” (Oh please, Coach Rick. I sat in the dugout eating charred hotdogs that might lead to heart issues down the line. Winner is a bold statement). 2010: Swim […]

Don’t tell your parents On this week’s Thursday Thoughts, the following question was submitted: “I miss my overbearing mother being involved in every aspect of my life since coming to college. Is there any way to fix this?” Chancellor Gary May looked to his wife, LeShelle, and smiled. “Yes, there is. Because as of fall […]

Twitter erupted, Reddit crashed and 4chan drafted a 63-page death threat Big news today on Capitol Hill as Republicans face a minor ideological crisis following a viral Tucker Carlson clip. On one of his signature rants in defense of American liberties and the corruption of the left, Fox News pundit Tucker Carlson accidentally slipped into […]

Well, her family values Congresswoman Liz Cheney, R-Wyo., has been removed from her GOP leadership position in the House of Representatives, ostensibly due to her recent positioning against former President Donald Trump. This proves again that Trumpism is fleeting and at the whim of the political wedge named Trump that has made all mainstream political […]

“Julie.paints_4_fun, wants to follow you”… oh shut up, Instagram “Could you give us the backstory,” Professor Levings asked. I shifted in my seat, “Ok, well, Julie and I have been in school together since preschool. The classic friendship. I bullied her until age six (oh c’mon, it builds character), we didn’t speak to each other […]

No, they don’t have the major class you need. Have you considered “Zombies Civil Rights”? A Spring Quarter slowly draws to a close, you might be thinking that your last day of Zoom lectures is near. Do not despair, however, for there remains another chance to pretend your microphone has stopped working: summer sessions. Lucky […]

Bernie Madoff is dead Bernie Madoff, the prince Ponzi pusher and embodiment of financial corruption is dead at age 82. With his death, the financial industry, America and the entire world can breathe a sigh of relief, because with the death of Madoff comes the death of the corruption in the financial industry. Madoff left […]

Updates from the Newsom recall The effort to recall California Gov. Gavin Newsom has finally prevailed in its quest to trigger a statewide vote. In the weeks since the effort became official, many people have added their name to the growing list of candidates attempting to replace the carbon-hair, gel-based lifeform that we call Gov. […]

Never have the RateMyProfessor comments presented a more united front Middle school was likely the last time an offhand curse word sparked any emotion in students’ hearts. Unfortunately, this fact has not been made known to Dr. Mitchell, a tenured professor in the history department, who recently attempted to win his students over with some […]