Humor

Don’t let that horde of political science kids through the door. Please. BY ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu   JUDGE MAY: We are here today to hear the case of Michael Plegger, a sophomore English major. Plaintiff, state your case. PLAINTIFF: Hello, your honor. My name is Dr. Kelly Garcia and I’m teaching Romanticism Literature. Michael […]

Just go to Harvard and stop blocking the bike path BY ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu  I’m not here to fashion-bash nor trend-defend. I have a simple question. People here who wear clothes emblazoned with other schools’ names on them: Do you know where you attend college? It’s UC Davis. UC, like “you see”. Juicy without […]

Stop declaring your independence from me, Marcus BY ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu  Guys. Dudes. Bros. Etc. I think there’s something off with my roommate. Like, the vibes are seriously off. No jokes.  We used to be fine. But recently he’s been acting weird. He said he wants me to stop jumping off the fridge and […]

Human rights minors, I’m watching you very carefully BY ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu  Animal Science: Animal gravedigging. Applied Physics: First of all, what is applied physics? I apply physics every time I push someone on an electric skateboard into the street — no one has offered me a bachelor’s yet.  Art Studio: Forgery. Art History: […]

POV: You’re getting hit on by an econ major in wine-stained chinos BY ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu  School has opened up, but you probably should hold off from attending a massive gathering in the poorly-ventilated, pathogenic-mold-breeding hellscape that is a frat house. Here’s a walk-through of what it’s like to hold you over: Enter. There’s […]

The power of students’ voices has gone too far BY ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu  On the announced day of the online continuation, the entire student body simultaneously let out a groan of combined disappointment, relief and frustration so deafening it physically disturbed the surrounding area. Food trucks rumbled, Unitrans buses toppled and squirrels fell from […]

Check your spam folder, Ken. It’s in your contract. BY ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu  Hi, guys. It’s me. I wrote this in my Notes app so you know it’s serious.  I wanted to let you know that I have realized my wrongs. I am now ready to admit I crossed a line when I asked […]

My lawful-evil film major can patronize your music taste up to 30 feet!  By ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu  “I need a 12 or higher,” repeats Julie, a second-year ecology major. She’s saying it more to herself than anyone else, but the small crowd of undergrads gathered around the table nod eagerly. They’re dressed in a […]

“All cars are 50% off! Even the ones that still have owners” By IAN COSNER — iacosner@ucdavis.edu  Parking has always been a nightmare, but what better way to usher in an already confusing and difficult transition into in-person school than to completely rehaul the parking system!  Last year, UC Davis planned on ending its school […]

They’re definitely hatching a plan. BY ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu  I know I said I would write an article about the Eggheads looking threatening and behaving in disturbing ways. However, I have changed my mind of my own volition and not under threat by any third party. What follows is my personal statement. The Mrak […]

By SEANNE JAVIER –– sajavier@ucdavis.edu   Drawn by: Seanne Javier –– sajavier@ucdavis.edu   Disclaimer: (This cartoon is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and names of “sources” are fictionalized.)

Ya hear that Kylie? By KATE HARGES — klharges@ucdavis.edu Upon touring UC Davis as a wee high school student, I found myself conflicted. Such a beautiful campus, with academics ranked at the top of the charts and thousands upon thousands of unique students. Yet, those pasty round sculptures known as the Eggheads haunted me, making […]