Humor

“Who knew history could be so sticky!” By IAN COSNER — iacosner@ucdavis.edu  COVID-19 has changed a lot of things, but with the return of in-person classes and heightened public health concerns, students get to enjoy an unexpected benefit of this unique school year. In accordance with mandatory COVID-19 safety regulations, the university has finally had […]

When the emojis come out, it’s anybody’s guess Host: Hello and welcome to UC Davis’ newest and only gameshow! Joining us today are three undergraduates who will compete for the most sacred prize of all: two points of extra credit. Let’s meet our contestants. Tyrone, it says here that you’re a first-quarter senior who’s considering […]

Meditation and tea aren’t even enough to ease this one Local Rite Aids are running out of medication. Therapists are booked for weeks in advance and semi-questionable CBD gummies are sitting on everyone’s bedside tables — all because of the World Health Organization’s (WHO) recent announcement of a new medical diagnosis: A.C.B.F.F.I., or Anxiety Caused […]

“Now you can get that cow smell in, but never out!” When it comes to housing, students have plenty of options these days, but none of them quite smell like the Tercero dorms. The irreplaceable, constant and pungent stench of bovine has been the secret ingredient that has kept the Tercero dorms at the top […]

To be fair, you should’ve known not all cows are Geminis This week, Netflix released a massive apology due to misinformation in their latest nature documentary. Apparently, you can’t trust an unpaid intern to type up a “rough script” for a six-hour show. Netflix subscribers took the news without issue, mostly because no one had […]

“We Are the World” 3? The U.S. has backed a World Trade Organization (WTO) proposal to temporarily suspend intellectual property rights for the COVID-19 vaccination. This has come after weeks of pushback against the proposal by many industries, some more surprising than others. Lee Fang of The Intercept reported that Hollywood has been actively lobbying […]

It’s all about finding a balance between school and world domination “I’m more than just a mad scientist hell-bent on seeing the world conform to my every whim,” said UC Davis student Jeremy Bearimy. “And it’s exhausting that people only see me as that. I mean, I’m a real person! I’m mult-dimensional. It’s not all […]

We’re talking about some scary stuff Ay, can we get Stephen King on the line? I have a feeling this concept could really inspire his next film.  You’re walking through CVS to pick up your prescription. Bam. You see Jake Longstein from high school. Let me give you the summary. He’s living on a houseboat […]

Can we stop breaking the Geneva Convention for 5 minutes? In the days following their country’s most recent act of violence and pure unadulterated evil, UC Davis students struggle to focus on their studies. With political unrest and long-stemming systematic discrimination of minorities a constant, for some reason students just can’t be bothered to remember […]

It’s just a fancy candle holder, what’s the big deal? Guns get a bad rap. After all, it’s people who kill people—with guns. But that last part isn’t important. Because it’s people. Bad people. Terrible people. Maybe even people you know. But definitely not people you know, actually, just other people, who are bad people. […]

Vacation whenever the moment strikes (Texas hard) Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) is going to Israel! On May 15, Cruz made comments criticizing President Joe Biden’s decisions about the violence in Israel and promised to visit in the coming days. The senator’s office has not given a concrete schedule to the press due to security reasons.  […]

“You Tried.” Yes, quicktrophy.com, yes I did I’d like to begin by outlining the participation trophies of my past: 2007: Little League Softball. “Everybody is a winner” (Oh please, Coach Rick. I sat in the dugout eating charred hotdogs that might lead to heart issues down the line. Winner is a bold statement). 2010: Swim […]