Humor

POV: You’re getting hit on by an econ major in wine-stained chinos BY ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu  School has opened up, but you probably should hold off from attending a massive gathering in the poorly-ventilated, pathogenic-mold-breeding hellscape that is a frat house. Here’s a walk-through of what it’s like to hold you over: Enter. There’s […]

The power of students’ voices has gone too far BY ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu  On the announced day of the online continuation, the entire student body simultaneously let out a groan of combined disappointment, relief and frustration so deafening it physically disturbed the surrounding area. Food trucks rumbled, Unitrans buses toppled and squirrels fell from […]

Check your spam folder, Ken. It’s in your contract. BY ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu  Hi, guys. It’s me. I wrote this in my Notes app so you know it’s serious.  I wanted to let you know that I have realized my wrongs. I am now ready to admit I crossed a line when I asked […]

My lawful-evil film major can patronize your music taste up to 30 feet!  By ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu  “I need a 12 or higher,” repeats Julie, a second-year ecology major. She’s saying it more to herself than anyone else, but the small crowd of undergrads gathered around the table nod eagerly. They’re dressed in a […]

“All cars are 50% off! Even the ones that still have owners” By IAN COSNER — iacosner@ucdavis.edu  Parking has always been a nightmare, but what better way to usher in an already confusing and difficult transition into in-person school than to completely rehaul the parking system!  Last year, UC Davis planned on ending its school […]

They’re definitely hatching a plan. BY ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu  I know I said I would write an article about the Eggheads looking threatening and behaving in disturbing ways. However, I have changed my mind of my own volition and not under threat by any third party. What follows is my personal statement. The Mrak […]

By SEANNE JAVIER –– sajavier@ucdavis.edu   Drawn by: Seanne Javier –– sajavier@ucdavis.edu   Disclaimer: (This cartoon is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and names of “sources” are fictionalized.)

Ya hear that Kylie? By KATE HARGES — klharges@ucdavis.edu Upon touring UC Davis as a wee high school student, I found myself conflicted. Such a beautiful campus, with academics ranked at the top of the charts and thousands upon thousands of unique students. Yet, those pasty round sculptures known as the Eggheads haunted me, making […]

“Who knew history could be so sticky!” By IAN COSNER — iacosner@ucdavis.edu  COVID-19 has changed a lot of things, but with the return of in-person classes and heightened public health concerns, students get to enjoy an unexpected benefit of this unique school year. In accordance with mandatory COVID-19 safety regulations, the university has finally had […]

When the emojis come out, it’s anybody’s guess Host: Hello and welcome to UC Davis’ newest and only gameshow! Joining us today are three undergraduates who will compete for the most sacred prize of all: two points of extra credit. Let’s meet our contestants. Tyrone, it says here that you’re a first-quarter senior who’s considering […]

Meditation and tea aren’t even enough to ease this one Local Rite Aids are running out of medication. Therapists are booked for weeks in advance and semi-questionable CBD gummies are sitting on everyone’s bedside tables — all because of the World Health Organization’s (WHO) recent announcement of a new medical diagnosis: A.C.B.F.F.I., or Anxiety Caused […]

“Now you can get that cow smell in, but never out!” When it comes to housing, students have plenty of options these days, but none of them quite smell like the Tercero dorms. The irreplaceable, constant and pungent stench of bovine has been the secret ingredient that has kept the Tercero dorms at the top […]