Humor

Why take the L when you can take the W?  The L line has finally dropped out of service after weeks of sudden fear-induced desolation.  As the stressful and rather spooky season of midterms creeps up on us, students can often be seen confiding in bizarre superstitions to survive the ill-fated quarter. For many, this […]

“We snapchatted for a few weeks after, then he ghosted me.” In the Tercero Dining Commons this morning, first-year biological sciences major Katie Smith found herself in the unfortunate position of going to breakfast at the same time as her ex-romantic flame, Trevor Anderson.  Whilst in line to use the waffle machine, Katie told reporters […]

An ode to the loneliness (and inevitable infestations) of Summer Session Hello there, gents. I am a student taking Summer Session II, and I would like to share some of my feelings about UC Davis in the summa times.     It’s hot.     My classes are hard.     I’m very lonely because I’m the only […]

Written by: ROSEY MOREARTY — rosey@morearty.org

Heifer caught going in-cow-neato What was supposed to be a fun introduction to life at UC Davis for incoming freshman James Daly ended in butt-hurt. Daly, recently admitted for biochemistry, was attending orientation and hoped to get a cliche photo with a Tercero cow after registering for classes. Spoiler alert: he did not. “I’m just […]

Top-ranked animal scientists suspect fowl play For years, many an Aggie had to bear witness to the brutality of the Davis turkeys. These birds haunted Cowtown ever since God said, “Let there be turkeys” on the first day of creation. They blocked streets with their slow, fat bodies. They flocked around automobiles with the ferocity […]

Providing humorous insight on ██████████ This article is intended to be hilarious. Unfortunately, many of the jokes, jests, jeers, japes, quips, gags, parodies, pranks, puns, ████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ clever turns of phrase and witty comparisons in this article contain sensitive information pertaining to other absolutely hilarious humor and satire of mine that is currently in development. In […]

And now for, something completely not different that millennials still won’t understand: a Monty Python parody! The following is a scene from the life of Brian. No no, not the movie “Monty Python’s Life of Brian.” No, we’re talking about Brian Cohen. No no no, not Brian Cohen of Judea, the “Messiah” in the movie. […]

By knowing nothing about classical music, Millennials deny themselves a valuable political attack strategy Bach, Beethoven, Brahms, Bartók, Haydn, Mozart, Mahler, Strauss, Chopin, Liszt, Debussy, Ravel, Rachmaninoff, Richard Nixon. Walter, Toscanini, Karajan, Abbado, Bernstein, Barenboim, Solti, Rattle, Dudamel, Dennis Prager. Paganini, Joachim, Kreisler, Heifetz, Milstein, Menuhin, Kogan, Oistrach, Richter, du Pré, Wang, Kern, Vengerov, Hahn, […]

Alfred? Alexander? Alexandra? Dear Editors at The California Aggie, My name is Dr. Barnaby Alastair Exeter-Asherton, PhD, and I’m a professor in the Department of Sociology at UC Davis. I’m writing on behalf of myself and my colleagues in the sociology department to express our grave concerns over the sorry state of public education at […]