Humor

Star Wars vs. Star Trek — who would win? What started as an innocent conversation between UC Davis’ current Chancellor Gary May and pepper spray perpetrator Linda Katehi quickly devolved into a shouting match. Expletives filled the air as Davis’ golden boy and the she-Lucifer of Cowtown argued outside of Mrak Hall this past Monday. […]

Will this finally appease the fans? ***SPOILER ALERT*** Dear Game of Thrones fans, David Benioff and D.B. Weiss here. Obviously, neither us nor HBO have any intention whatsoever of remaking Season 8, but we hope we grabbed your attention with that headline. There’s no need for us to remake something that’s perfect. Unfortunately, the perfection […]

Pod save America As we all know, UC Davis is a pyramid scheme designed to make money off of gullible Californians and even more gullible out-of-staters. You say you’re here to get your degree in neurobiology, physiology and behavior so that you can fulfill your dreams of becoming a pediatric neurosurgeon? That’s what the government […]

Taking pseudo-science fiction to the extreme through the art of cinema Dear prospective producers and generous investors, My name is Milton I. Scaps, Jr. Journalist. Thinker. Christian. Conservative. Artist. Intellectual. Man. Almost three years ago, I was fired from my dream job at Breitbart News for making a social media post that was not racist […]

Patrons say it’s the best meal they’ve ever served In preparation for the most anticipated weekend of the year, the UC Davis Dining Commons decided to rock the boat with its most recent themed meal. Instead of the typical themes, like Star Wars or Harry Potter, the brains behind grape-and-bleu-cheese pizza went for a houseboats-inspired […]

Exposing possibly the biggest ruse in history For the better part of the last decade, The California Aggie has been carrying out a highly sensitive investigation into one of the largest conspiracies ever. For years, the Amish people have managed to maintain the image that they do not use any of the conveniences of modern […]

If you give a mom a crepe It’s Sunday morning, and your parents want to have a nice meal with you before they leave Davis. You think, “Hmm, maybe I’ll introduce them to Crepeville. There’s something for everyone there.” But I’m going to stop you right there. If you embark down this dark and dangerous […]

Written by: ROSEY MOREARTY — rosey@morearty.org

Half-baked idea, or stroke of genius? Ha Kee Pak, president of the National Hockey League, shocked the hockey fandom this week with his announcement that the league would be changing its regulation pucks to something a little sweeter. Pak, frustrated by the tendency of traditional pucks to crack after powerful slapshots, made the executive decision […]

Written by: ROSEY MOREARTY — rosey@morearty.org