Humor

“Me, Myself and I. Personal Interview. 2019.”   Fourth-year economics major Jonah Johnson was at the end of his rope last night. He had a 10-page paper due for his A History of the Paperclip class that he had put off until 9 p.m. the night before it was due. Armed with a dangerous cocktail of […]

The truth comes out Waking up in a cold sweat, Katie Helmer realized she couldn’t take it any longer. With graduation just around the corner, the last thing she wanted to do was leave Davis as a fraud.  Four years of lies and cover-ups have haunted her during her time as an Aggie, and after […]

by MARIO RODRIGUEZ — marrod@ucdavis.edu

This introvert has mastered the art of the Irish goodbye Last Friday, Colin Meyers, a fourth-year classics major, reluctantly accepted an invitation to a house party. After pacing outside for 15 minutes, Colin found the courage to open the door. This is your time to shine, Colin, he whispered to himself while striking a power […]

Gobble your troubles away With any fleeting quarter comes student stress. Stress is whack, as it can negatively impact day-to-day activities, resulting in poor mental health and a lack of motivation. Since 2010, UC Davis has single-handedly annihilated student stress by introducing the Therapy Fluffies program. Therapy Fluffies allow students to hang out and snapchat […]

Don’t be alarmed if you hear fluoride-gagged screams coming from the hotbox  Justin Miller, that random dude down the hall, is now taking new dental patients. Miller, a first-year sociology major, performs dental cleanings, tooth extractions, root canals and fillings for just $20 — or a gram of weed.  If UC Davis students want to […]

Ugh his mind. So powerful. Kenneth Coleman walked into his Art History class last Thursday evening and sat in his unassigned-assigned seat in the back, just as he always had. He sported his usual tank top and sandals, carrying nothing with him but his intellect.  The cheap ceiling lights of Art Hall illuminated his empty […]

History is HOT! Professor Alan Sanders, a stunning assistant professor in the UC Davis history department, was shocked to see that his course offered this winter already had 85 students on the waitlist. The class, A History of the Paper Clip, was previously taught by a now-retired professor who only managed to capture the attention […]

Let your loved ones know you’re okay: mark yourself “safe” from lethal sport Eating her favorite CoHo entree beside her squirrel companions in the Quad, first-year student Jessica Blanche basked in the sun as she decorated her bullet journal for the week. Delighted with the warm weather, she even gave up an empty hammock to […]

By: Mario Rodriguez — marrod@ucdavis.edu