Humor

Written by: ROSEY MOREARTY — rosey@morearty.org

Heifer caught going in-cow-neato What was supposed to be a fun introduction to life at UC Davis for incoming freshman James Daly ended in butt-hurt. Daly, recently admitted for biochemistry, was attending orientation and hoped to get a cliche photo with a Tercero cow after registering for classes. Spoiler alert: he did not. “I’m just […]

Top-ranked animal scientists suspect fowl play For years, many an Aggie had to bear witness to the brutality of the Davis turkeys. These birds haunted Cowtown ever since God said, “Let there be turkeys” on the first day of creation. They blocked streets with their slow, fat bodies. They flocked around automobiles with the ferocity […]

Providing humorous insight on ██████████ This article is intended to be hilarious. Unfortunately, many of the jokes, jests, jeers, japes, quips, gags, parodies, pranks, puns, ████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ clever turns of phrase and witty comparisons in this article contain sensitive information pertaining to other absolutely hilarious humor and satire of mine that is currently in development. In […]

And now for, something completely not different that millennials still won’t understand: a Monty Python parody! The following is a scene from the life of Brian. No no, not the movie “Monty Python’s Life of Brian.” No, we’re talking about Brian Cohen. No no no, not Brian Cohen of Judea, the “Messiah” in the movie. […]

By knowing nothing about classical music, Millennials deny themselves a valuable political attack strategy Bach, Beethoven, Brahms, Bartók, Haydn, Mozart, Mahler, Strauss, Chopin, Liszt, Debussy, Ravel, Rachmaninoff, Richard Nixon. Walter, Toscanini, Karajan, Abbado, Bernstein, Barenboim, Solti, Rattle, Dudamel, Dennis Prager. Paganini, Joachim, Kreisler, Heifetz, Milstein, Menuhin, Kogan, Oistrach, Richter, du Pré, Wang, Kern, Vengerov, Hahn, […]

Alfred? Alexander? Alexandra? Dear Editors at The California Aggie, My name is Dr. Barnaby Alastair Exeter-Asherton, PhD, and I’m a professor in the Department of Sociology at UC Davis. I’m writing on behalf of myself and my colleagues in the sociology department to express our grave concerns over the sorry state of public education at […]

Star Wars vs. Star Trek — who would win? What started as an innocent conversation between UC Davis’ current Chancellor Gary May and pepper spray perpetrator Linda Katehi quickly devolved into a shouting match. Expletives filled the air as Davis’ golden boy and the she-Lucifer of Cowtown argued outside of Mrak Hall this past Monday. […]

Will this finally appease the fans? ***SPOILER ALERT*** Dear Game of Thrones fans, David Benioff and D.B. Weiss here. Obviously, neither us nor HBO have any intention whatsoever of remaking Season 8, but we hope we grabbed your attention with that headline. There’s no need for us to remake something that’s perfect. Unfortunately, the perfection […]

Pod save America As we all know, UC Davis is a pyramid scheme designed to make money off of gullible Californians and even more gullible out-of-staters. You say you’re here to get your degree in neurobiology, physiology and behavior so that you can fulfill your dreams of becoming a pediatric neurosurgeon? That’s what the government […]