Humor

Gunrock, but he’s your DD As some may recall, Tipsy Taxi was deemed #canceled during a Senate meeting earlier this year in a bloody nine-to-one vote. Like Safe Ride, the ASUCD service provided free rides to partygoers and the like during late hours all across Davis. Unfortunately, due to the Senate’s budget deficit, Tipsy Taxi […]

By Mario Rodriguez — marrod@ucdavis.edu

This message was recovered from an unnamed students backpack  Hi – you know who I am. I’m writing to you from the recesses of your JanSport, your North Face, your Fjallraven Kanken or whatever equipment is now trendy to drag me from place to place. It’s been a long few months for me, as you […]

What if I left you a winky face underneath your Discussion post? Haha just kidding… unless? Facebook messenger? Outdated. Instagram DMs? Predictable. Tinder? Yuck! Canvas, fellow romantics and newly singles, is the new hot spot for finding love (as well as your class assignments and posted lecture slides) in the rather lonely and fleeting world […]

Why take the L when you can take the W?  The L line has finally dropped out of service after weeks of sudden fear-induced desolation.  As the stressful and rather spooky season of midterms creeps up on us, students can often be seen confiding in bizarre superstitions to survive the ill-fated quarter. For many, this […]

“We snapchatted for a few weeks after, then he ghosted me.” In the Tercero Dining Commons this morning, first-year biological sciences major Katie Smith found herself in the unfortunate position of going to breakfast at the same time as her ex-romantic flame, Trevor Anderson.  Whilst in line to use the waffle machine, Katie told reporters […]

An ode to the loneliness (and inevitable infestations) of Summer Session Hello there, gents. I am a student taking Summer Session II, and I would like to share some of my feelings about UC Davis in the summa times.     It’s hot.     My classes are hard.     I’m very lonely because I’m the only […]

Written by: ROSEY MOREARTY — rosey@morearty.org

Heifer caught going in-cow-neato What was supposed to be a fun introduction to life at UC Davis for incoming freshman James Daly ended in butt-hurt. Daly, recently admitted for biochemistry, was attending orientation and hoped to get a cliche photo with a Tercero cow after registering for classes. Spoiler alert: he did not. “I’m just […]

Top-ranked animal scientists suspect fowl play For years, many an Aggie had to bear witness to the brutality of the Davis turkeys. These birds haunted Cowtown ever since God said, “Let there be turkeys” on the first day of creation. They blocked streets with their slow, fat bodies. They flocked around automobiles with the ferocity […]

Providing humorous insight on ██████████ This article is intended to be hilarious. Unfortunately, many of the jokes, jests, jeers, japes, quips, gags, parodies, pranks, puns, ████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████ clever turns of phrase and witty comparisons in this article contain sensitive information pertaining to other absolutely hilarious humor and satire of mine that is currently in development. In […]