Humor

And now for, something completely not different that millennials still won’t understand: a Monty Python parody! The following is a scene from the life of Brian. No no, not the movie “Monty Python’s Life of Brian.” No, we’re talking about Brian Cohen. No no no, not Brian Cohen of Judea, the “Messiah” in the movie. […]

By knowing nothing about classical music, Millennials deny themselves a valuable political attack strategy Bach, Beethoven, Brahms, Bartók, Haydn, Mozart, Mahler, Strauss, Chopin, Liszt, Debussy, Ravel, Rachmaninoff, Richard Nixon. Walter, Toscanini, Karajan, Abbado, Bernstein, Barenboim, Solti, Rattle, Dudamel, Dennis Prager. Paganini, Joachim, Kreisler, Heifetz, Milstein, Menuhin, Kogan, Oistrach, Richter, du Pré, Wang, Kern, Vengerov, Hahn, […]

Alfred? Alexander? Alexandra? Dear Editors at The California Aggie, My name is Dr. Barnaby Alastair Exeter-Asherton, PhD, and I’m a professor in the Department of Sociology at UC Davis. I’m writing on behalf of myself and my colleagues in the sociology department to express our grave concerns over the sorry state of public education at […]

Star Wars vs. Star Trek — who would win? What started as an innocent conversation between UC Davis’ current Chancellor Gary May and pepper spray perpetrator Linda Katehi quickly devolved into a shouting match. Expletives filled the air as Davis’ golden boy and the she-Lucifer of Cowtown argued outside of Mrak Hall this past Monday. […]

Will this finally appease the fans? ***SPOILER ALERT*** Dear Game of Thrones fans, David Benioff and D.B. Weiss here. Obviously, neither us nor HBO have any intention whatsoever of remaking Season 8, but we hope we grabbed your attention with that headline. There’s no need for us to remake something that’s perfect. Unfortunately, the perfection […]

Pod save America As we all know, UC Davis is a pyramid scheme designed to make money off of gullible Californians and even more gullible out-of-staters. You say you’re here to get your degree in neurobiology, physiology and behavior so that you can fulfill your dreams of becoming a pediatric neurosurgeon? That’s what the government […]

Taking pseudo-science fiction to the extreme through the art of cinema Dear prospective producers and generous investors, My name is Milton I. Scaps, Jr. Journalist. Thinker. Christian. Conservative. Artist. Intellectual. Man. Almost three years ago, I was fired from my dream job at Breitbart News for making a social media post that was not racist […]

Patrons say it’s the best meal they’ve ever served In preparation for the most anticipated weekend of the year, the UC Davis Dining Commons decided to rock the boat with its most recent themed meal. Instead of the typical themes, like Star Wars or Harry Potter, the brains behind grape-and-bleu-cheese pizza went for a houseboats-inspired […]

Exposing possibly the biggest ruse in history For the better part of the last decade, The California Aggie has been carrying out a highly sensitive investigation into one of the largest conspiracies ever. For years, the Amish people have managed to maintain the image that they do not use any of the conveniences of modern […]