Humor

Taking pseudo-science fiction to the extreme through the art of cinema Dear prospective producers and generous investors, My name is Milton I. Scaps, Jr. Journalist. Thinker. Christian. Conservative. Artist. Intellectual. Man. Almost three years ago, I was fired from my dream job at Breitbart News for making a social media post that was not racist […]

Patrons say it’s the best meal they’ve ever served In preparation for the most anticipated weekend of the year, the UC Davis Dining Commons decided to rock the boat with its most recent themed meal. Instead of the typical themes, like Star Wars or Harry Potter, the brains behind grape-and-bleu-cheese pizza went for a houseboats-inspired […]

Exposing possibly the biggest ruse in history For the better part of the last decade, The California Aggie has been carrying out a highly sensitive investigation into one of the largest conspiracies ever. For years, the Amish people have managed to maintain the image that they do not use any of the conveniences of modern […]

If you give a mom a crepe It’s Sunday morning, and your parents want to have a nice meal with you before they leave Davis. You think, “Hmm, maybe I’ll introduce them to Crepeville. There’s something for everyone there.” But I’m going to stop you right there. If you embark down this dark and dangerous […]

Written by: ROSEY MOREARTY — rosey@morearty.org

Half-baked idea, or stroke of genius? Ha Kee Pak, president of the National Hockey League, shocked the hockey fandom this week with his announcement that the league would be changing its regulation pucks to something a little sweeter. Pak, frustrated by the tendency of traditional pucks to crack after powerful slapshots, made the executive decision […]

Written by: ROSEY MOREARTY — rosey@morearty.org

Product has been successful beyond be-leaf Ahhhh, Spring Quarter! It’s a wonderful time to get outside and witness nature at its finest. The bees are buzzing, the sun is shining and the frat boys are engaging in a game of beer die on their lawns. And, of course, there’s them. Those trees with the malodorous, […]

A love letter to the (organic) apple of my eye This is it. You and the man of your dreams are hanging out together. The lights are low, and tensions are running high. He says your name, and your breath catches in your throat. He leans in close and whispers in your ear: “Let’s go […]

An understated masterclass in acting and filmmaking, full of [adjective] Bonjour, it’s [pretentious film critic], and it’s great to be back with you, my devoted and [patronizing qualifier] readers. I’m back from the [Cannes/Sundance/Telluride/Toronto] Film Festival, where I sipped [expensive sounding name] wine excessively and screened dozens of films that you won’t actually be able […]