Humor

She didn’t C. (S. Lewis) it coming “Where… Where am I?” Wanda Her asked, looking at the forest surrounding her. An equine figure trotted menacingly towards Her from the shadows. “You’re in Narnia,” Gunrock said, emerging from his blanket of darkness and leaning against a lamppost. “How can that be?” Her asked. “Just a second […]

By: Rosey Morearty — rosey@morearty.org

He’s back, maybe for good Last year, The California Aggie issued a report on the dirty deeds of the now-infamous Davis Bike Blammer. After a manhunt with no resolution and a large number of minor injuries and emotional scars, the Davis Bike Blammer disappeared seemingly permanently. That is, until today. Several bike accident reports from […]

ROSEY MOREARTY — rosey@morearty.org

Can Alexa save this marriage? Every day, more information about Jeff Bezos’ infamous affair with Lauren Sanchez hits the news cycle. However, what still remains a secret are the details of his divorce from his longtime wife, MacKenzie Bezos. According to credible sources, Jeff Bezos has been putting all his trust in his virtual assistant, […]

If Noah had used this bike during the flood, he could have fit three of every animal After relentless harping by CALPIRG, Unitrans switched to using long tandem bicycles for transporting the good people of Davis. This wheely large undertaking did hit some proverbial bumps in the road. The average Unitrans bus was able to […]

Students actually take notes until professor excuses them A professor became enraged one day when his students began packing up when there were approximately three minutes of class left. He was getting to the most important part of an organic chemistry reaction when he heard a chorus of backpack zippers, shuffling papers and creaking desks. […]

“This bus is no longer in service. Have a good one!” In a monumental decision by first-year bus driver Buster Buseman, the Unitrans J Line skipped the major Alvarado stop on Tuesday morning to avoid opening the top layer of the double decker bus. The decision was made with pressure from Buseman’s charlie at the […]

Delicious chicken-over-rice flavored contraceptives promote safe sex among students With STI transmission rates climbing among college students, UC Davis’ Love Lab has taken on the task of promoting safe sex among Aggies. The solution? A partnership with the condom brand Trojan. “We’ve been trying for months, but we’ve finally conceived the perfect way to get […]

Our president has created pandemonium In the wake of Donald Trump’s historic wall tantrum, the government has been partially shut down, and America has been left to deal with the consequences of Trump’s childish antics. As a result of Trump’s refusal to end his fantasy plan, hundreds of thousands of federal workers have been forced […]

Sponsored by “Spider-Man: Into the Spider-verse,” in theaters now Around 3 a.m. this past Wednesday — or maybe it was Tuesday, I can’t remember now — I determined that Spider-Man is the most powerful thing anyone has ever dreamed up. I understand that this is likely a controversial opinion, and I’m sure many of you […]

Written by: ROSEY MOREARTY — rosey@morearty.org