Humor

Delicious chicken-over-rice flavored contraceptives promote safe sex among students With STI transmission rates climbing among college students, UC Davis’ Love Lab has taken on the task of promoting safe sex among Aggies. The solution? A partnership with the condom brand Trojan. “We’ve been trying for months, but we’ve finally conceived the perfect way to get […]

Our president has created pandemonium In the wake of Donald Trump’s historic wall tantrum, the government has been partially shut down, and America has been left to deal with the consequences of Trump’s childish antics. As a result of Trump’s refusal to end his fantasy plan, hundreds of thousands of federal workers have been forced […]

Sponsored by “Spider-Man: Into the Spider-verse,” in theaters now Around 3 a.m. this past Wednesday — or maybe it was Tuesday, I can’t remember now — I determined that Spider-Man is the most powerful thing anyone has ever dreamed up. I understand that this is likely a controversial opinion, and I’m sure many of you […]

Written by: ROSEY MOREARTY — rosey@morearty.org

By: ROSEY MOREARTY — rosey@morearty.org

‘Tis the season to be stingy So, you’ve got people thinking you’re a walking, talking, credit-free, interest-free, ATM machine? Well, if that’s you crying in the corner, allow me to give you some tips on how to solve this problem. Rule #1: Speak it into existence, beloved. One of the main reasons you give and […]

Written By: Diana Olivares — deolivaresvalencia@ucdavis.edu

Written By: Rosey Morearty — rosey@morearty.org

EMBRACE THE BOMBS! Ugh. I’m so bored. I just feel like making absurd amounts of cash through selling disgusting degrees of dangerous weapons to the people who helped fund 9/11. I mean, what else is there to do? I own property all over the world, I’ve been with most of the available prostitutes and porn […]

I am pleased to announce that my articles are no longer extremely offensive, and I’m no longer a horrible person I am reformed. After recently writing an extremely offensive article, getting fired by The Aggie, writing an extensive apology and getting provisionally rehired, I am beyond proud to announce that from this point forward, nothing […]

Probably the most shocking thing to come out of this year so far In a freak accident of inexplicable proportions, the Unitrans B Line arrived at the Memorial Union perfectly on time during the 1 p.m. bus rush today. “I don’t know how to describe what it’s like to get here on time for once,” […]