Humor

By: ROSEY MOREARTY — rosey@morearty.org

‘Tis the season to be stingy So, you’ve got people thinking you’re a walking, talking, credit-free, interest-free, ATM machine? Well, if that’s you crying in the corner, allow me to give you some tips on how to solve this problem. Rule #1: Speak it into existence, beloved. One of the main reasons you give and […]

Written By: Diana Olivares — deolivaresvalencia@ucdavis.edu

Written By: Rosey Morearty — rosey@morearty.org

EMBRACE THE BOMBS! Ugh. I’m so bored. I just feel like making absurd amounts of cash through selling disgusting degrees of dangerous weapons to the people who helped fund 9/11. I mean, what else is there to do? I own property all over the world, I’ve been with most of the available prostitutes and porn […]

I am pleased to announce that my articles are no longer extremely offensive, and I’m no longer a horrible person I am reformed. After recently writing an extremely offensive article, getting fired by The Aggie, writing an extensive apology and getting provisionally rehired, I am beyond proud to announce that from this point forward, nothing […]

Probably the most shocking thing to come out of this year so far In a freak accident of inexplicable proportions, the Unitrans B Line arrived at the Memorial Union perfectly on time during the 1 p.m. bus rush today. “I don’t know how to describe what it’s like to get here on time for once,” […]

Written by: Rosey Morearty  — rosey@morearty.org

The devil went down to Wellman 2 For one student, getting the grades they need for grad school wasn’t a matter of hard work. Instead, it was a matter of besting the King of Air himself in a series of traditional duels: the usual good ole fashioned Satanic chess match, banjo duel and game of […]

Written by: GENEVIEVE RYAN — geryan@ucdavis.edu