Humor

Now that’s how you do the First Amendment! Recent reports revealed that the wildfires that devastated towns like Pleasure, California were not, in fact, caused by climate change or poor forest management — they were actually started by a brave pro-Trump activist as a form of protest against California’s poor forest management. The heroic activist, […]

“It worked for the French revolutionaries, not sure why it won’t work here” Most people look at the city council’s recent decision with disgust. And I ask you: why? Is it because of your preconceived notions about what counts as childhood “play?” If we are to train our next generation of soldier-good-boys properly, we must […]

Toe jam or rice and stew? From Japanese cuisine to Indian delicacies, pungent odor seems to be the common issue for Americans — dare I say white people — when they walk past a meal that smells like pure struggle. Though delicious, Americans often judge the foods of immigrants as stinky with a bucket-load of […]

My comprehension skills are off the charts I’m the number-one keyboard warrior at UC Davis. I earned this distinction after years of hunting my poor, sniveling victims on social media. It’s impossible to defeat my carefully crafted evidence for why you suck. Don’t be fooled — I’m a fantastic student with tons of hobbies and […]

I’m beyond repentant Five weeks ago, I wrote an extremely offensive article. Due to the intense backlash to the Article, The Aggie promptly fired me. In fact, you could say I was actually fired at the very moment I had the idea to write the Article. The Thought Police were on me like THAT, and […]

By DIANA OLIVARES — deolivaresvalencia@ucdavis.edu

Student writes this and other radical statements in personal manifesto-turned-livestream This week, an anonymous manifesto was released and distributed across the UC Davis campus in support of “the complete and unabashed removal of capitalism” and “the total implementation of communism” in American society. Just this morning, the anonymous writer has revealed herself as first-year Diana […]

You’re scrolling through Twitter all day anyway Perhaps your day job at McDonalds has gotten a little tiresome, and you find the act of angering people online fun. Well, have I got a job for you! Putin is paying minimum wage for you to go online and just make people mad or scared. All […]

Written By: Genevieve Ryan — geryan@ucdavis.edu

Saving money by spending money Thanksgiving break can provide a welcome interlude in Fall Quarter, allowing students to take a breath, reflect and give thanks. I’m just kidding. We don’t have Thanksgiving weekend anymore, just Black Friday weekend — the best chance for students to fill that inner void by spending inordinate sums on shit […]

Written by: Diana Olivares  — deolivaresvalencia@ucdavis.edu

Written by: ROSEY MOREARTY — rosey@morearty.org