Humor

This is not a drill Sources reported Thursday that local 20-something Nate Finnegan started asking if anyone else was hearing loud sirens after receiving a text message from his long-time ex-girlfriend Brianne. “He looks like he wants to throw up,” said friend Megan Jacobs, 26, who confirmed that her friend looked like he had just […]

By: Ariel Hilomen — abhilomen@ucdavis.edu Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed by individual cartoonists belong to the cartoonists alone and do not necessarily indicate the views and opinions held by The California Aggie.

Who does he think he is? You walk in to Statistics 13 a disheveled mess. Your hair is in a frumpy knot, you’re wearing the same clothes as yesterday and you barely remembered to bring something to write with. You sit down, and there it is — supreme comfort staring you straight in the face: […]

U.S News & World Report now ranks colleges based on their school colors to give potential students more to consider This week, U.S. News & World Report confirmed what Davis students have known for a long time — that UC Davis is superior at more than just veterinary and viticulture programs. After conducting research for […]

Gunrock might have cried happy tears, if his unblinking eyes could It was a joyous day yesterday. Gunrock was reunited with his family for the first time since moving to Davis in 2003. Happy tears flowed from the eyes of Mr. Blue Man as the family hugged and kissed one another. I had the chance […]

The new meal will fill bellies but not the emptiness within During a press conference this Thursday, Taco Bell announced the launch of a new late-night food box called the “Depression Dinner.” When asked about the inspiration behind this bold step for the brand, representatives cited the Jack in the Box “Munchie Meal,” wherein the […]

By: Ariel Hilomen — abhilomen@ucdavis.edu Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed by individual cartoonists belong to the cartoonists alone and do not necessarily indicate the views and opinions held by The California Aggie.

Kohl’s sells sex No one knows where he got a shirt that cool. Target? Maybe Gap? Perhaps Kohl’s? In any case, it’s the biggest statement anyone’s ever made at this school. “This guy gets all the ladies,” Maggie Pinklerton said. “Just look at his shirt. I bet he puts it on just to take it […]

The small talk commenced in the shower… Paul saw it all and he didn’t even know what my middle name was. He needed no imagination for this one. The guy I was with sprung up and threw his hands up like a soccer player trying to convince the referee that it wasn’t him that kicked […]

“Well, there’s some excitement!” My pupils dilated at the slightly affirming “sure” that he decided to respond with. I suggested that we go to Temple because it was the only place that my bougie self had managed to wander to downtown. Not to mention that my constant desire for caffeine is detrimental to both my […]

By: Diana Olivares — deolivares@ucdavis.edu Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed by individual cartoonists belong to the cartoonists alone and do not necessarily indicate the views and opinions held by The California Aggie.

You’re not a cat, you just like bringing people dead birds in your mouth You are better than most other people. You are perhaps more lithe, more graceful, surely more cunning, definitely more skittish and just the right mixture of totally composed and suddenly spastic. You are better at catching lizards, too. You do not […]