Humor

We don’t host Nazis A poll published early this week revealed that “The California Aggie” is the best newspaper in all of UC Davis. Most of the competition consisted of random WordPress writers whose content was found to be vastly inferior and indicative of how our education system is failing students, even at the college […]

The Super Bowl does not tell a heart-wrenching tale of love, loss and Boston Everyone loves the Super Bowl. It’s a great time to just get together, sit with your friends (but not too close because you don’t want to give your bros the wrong impression) and turn off your brain for a solid three […]

This one’s going to leave a dent Oops, we did it again. And by “oops” I mean that somehow Davis is involved in a money-making scandal that went awry. Except this time, it’s the town of Davis and not the college — but really the two are so intertwined that it probably did have something […]

Would have been pretty sick, though This post was found on Aaron Levins’ Facebook page. I guess it’s just that I had watched “Eyes Wide Shut” last night and was doing some searching around on Facebook for any local orgies. Not my fault “Funk Night” sounds like a thinly veiled excuse for a sick, sex-crazed, […]

Action was taken after attendees couldn’t hear the drums echo in the night One of the deadliest crimes was committed at a local frat party this past weekend. The night started like any other night. “Red Nose” was playing on loop and the whole crowd was getting progressively sweatier but powering through with the magic […]

Evolution in progress “Millennials can’t communicate with anyone. They’re hard to talk to,” said some person over the age of 30, probably 40. “Although with what they’ve got between their personality and their Messiah complex, I’m not sure there’s much there, anyway.” “Older generations are so dumb. Of course we can communicate, that’s what phones […]

With just six words in a 51-second video, Gary May takes home the big trophy The Academy Awards have always had controversy around them in terms of nominations. Snubs, undeserving rewards and so on get audiences and filmmakers heated. But no one can deny that Gary May just won the Oscar for Best Actor in […]

Why won’t they leeeeeeave? Throughout the course of history, the Greeks have lost many battles. For past examples, here is a comprehensive list of triumphs the Greeks have been involved in and most likely lost — though we at The Aggie are still not entirely sure, because admittedly not all of us are completely literate. […]

An article for students who just wanted to have 10 weeks in which they didn’t see anyone If you’re anything like me, you dread Winter Quarter until it approaches. Then, you decide that it’s actually not that bad but choose to use it as a topic of conversation with everyone you kind of know who […]

American Aaron on a mission Vladimir Putin, wearing compression shorts with the flag of the USSR, lathers himself up in butter and grease as he explains to me what is about to happen. “You see, when I do the skeleton race, I do not simply ride the skeleton thing. That thing makes it too easy […]

First of all, they don’t like being called petty Now you may know me as a man who loves his peyote, or perhaps as that guy with the bomb shelter in the middle of the Sonoran desert. Perhaps you know me as the man with all the absolutely bonkers theories about Hillary secretly being a […]

Does she have crabs? The ARC Pavilion will be the first to host part one of the new live-action spectacle “Under the Sea, BP & Me,” a tale of a little mermaid who struggles to find love in a polluted ocean. The California Aggie spoke to the story’s writer, Scooby Droo, who gained critical acclaim […]