Humor

I had no idea there were so many women Dear Editor-In-Chief of The California Aggie, I have one simple question for the folks who run your paper: Where did all of these women come from all of a sudden? I mean in the most literal sense. I had no idea there were more women than […]

You’re going to want to cut up your Starbucks gold member card after this one I’m guessing by now you’ve probably learned about the dangers of capitalism, as I myself learned about briefly when I momentarily stopped online shopping at Urban Outfitters in class to listen to what my professor actually had to say. This […]

One bold student is sick of the fashion industry’s labels, is taking a stand When I was a little girl, I was super round. I wasn’t the cute round, though; I was more so just the inconvenient, Augustus-Gloop-from-Willy-Wonka round. Every summer, my mom would order me a new one piece bathing suit from a sad […]

Father and Son talk it out A strange object descending from the sky was initially thought to be Jesus Christ, but after further investigation was determined to be an ICBM from North Korea headed straight toward the White House. While many people wish it would’ve hit successfully, others were concerned that the extreme radiation and […]

Hell ya bro “Bro, check out these socks,” Jared Kushner said to a New York Times reporter as he pointed to his socks. “They’re HUF socks. You see that? It’s weed. Well if my name ain’t KUSHner!” Jared said this as he winked heavily, indicating to the journalist that he was making an elaborate weed […]

Planned Parenthood kicking it up a notch The Center for Disease Control published a study last week revealing that humans are actually parasites rather than apex predators, as initially thought by many hypermasculine men, warmongering politicians and corporate maggots. “We finally determined that humans are indeed parasites,” said John Mueller of the Division for Parasitic […]

Yolobus ain’t *BLEEP* but hoes and tricks A great philosopher once said, “A diva is a female version of a hustler.” But I happen to disagree. Contrary to popular belief, I think that a diva is actually a person who refuses to ride the Yolobus because of her own personal aversion to most public transportation […]

Could we survive? There is an old saying that goes: If a tree falls in a forest and nobody is around to hear it, did it actually fall? Well try and apply that to Davis. If UC Davis existed anywhere other than Davis, would it still contain all the cute little quirks that make Davis, […]

One crazed student is kicked out of school after sharing controversial opinion When the universe created winter quarters, it made sure that, no matter the odds, every single time the air went cold, students would hate their lives. Returning in January always feels a bit stupid, like that one dumb chick in every horror movie […]

We found all the extinct animals, too After the hardly surprising revelation that Hell’s fire is fueled by its vast underground oil reservoirs, the U.S. military has unrelatedly declared the area a possible terrorist hotspot and is set to invade next week. No demons have been spotted in the area, although it is full of […]

Demons in classrooms may look like your friends — if you have friends, that is A portal to Hell was discovered in lower Olson last week when first-year Max Williamson was shredded apart by feral demons who were initially thought to be protesters from UC Berkeley. “We see this as an opportunity to bring the […]

With these tips, you’ll be hacking the CoHo in no time! With Winter Quarter off to a quick start, many students are heading back to their same on-campus routines of frequenting the most illustrious eating establishment in all of Davis: the CoHo. While the CoHo may already seem appealing to many students because of its […]