Humor

Not just the obvious stuff As some of you lucky students begin to think about what it’ll be like to escape this problematic sub-system known as college and enter a lifetime of working for other problematic sub-systems, you might want to consider making something called a resume. Resumes can be complicated in your 20s, when […]

Praise be to the Great Button The button sits on the desk of Our Leader, its extremely cliche red glow throbbing in the darkness of the Oval Office. How big is this button? Very, very big. In fact, it would be more accurate to say that the big boy button sitting on the desk of […]

Forbidden fruit prevails as the students’ favorite food Tide Pods are the great mystery of America, with their delicious-looking colors and forbiddenness. Logically, we all know that we aren’t supposed to eat a sack of bleach and detergent, but spiritually, we are connected to these jewels of mystery. With Winter Quarter strutting through the door […]

This idea for self-improvement is so cute — and so easy! Perhaps you find yourself in the new year hazily gripping to reality through the fog of a hangover. Perhaps instead you’re simply buried in regret because Kyle called you up and you went to see him and it just made you feel bad because […]

Or does he mean crazy people? After a public spectacle during which President Donald Trump and Vice President Mike Pence openly argued about their perceptions of Nut Neutrality, two things were made manifest: Both have wildly different understandings of Nut Neutrality, and both most certainly have Americans’ interests at heart. “I thought this was about […]

Get ready to be so rich that you can buy a car and then have nowhere to park it Ever wonder what makes bitcoin tick? Well, you’re in luck, because The Aggie has made a groundbreaking discovery about what has caused its recent price fluctuations. You might be asking yourself right now, “What is a […]

Davis’ very own holiday traditions Because the majority of the Davis student population took their finals and immediately escaped as quickly as possible in hopes of forgetting all their negative associations with a quarter of terror, the holidays in Davis exist as kind of a mystical and untouched topic that nobody knows anything about. As […]

Relaxation and rest come at the cost of craziness and overeating Winter break, at a surface level, appears to be the height of luxury for the college experience. It’s long enough to recuperate after finals season roundhouse kicks you right in the gallbladder but not long enough to where you’re expected to get an internship, […]

By: Elliot White — opinion@theaggie.org   Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed by individual cartoonists belong to the cartoonists alone and do not necessarily indicate the views and opinions held by The California Aggie.

Rats found in trash cans reveal that students have been wasting good meat Allegations have arisen that the Dining Commons puts food in its garbage. “I went in expecting the usual,” first-year Christian Romero said. “But instead of used hypodermic needles and baby diapers, Tomato Street Grill was serving mostly real meat.” “We found some […]

And it could never cost as much as the collective American emotional turmoil, either One glorious day we will look to the south and see upon the horizon a monolith which stretches far into the sky. On that day no man, woman or child seeking to escape poverty and find a better life will be […]

Nothing says “I’m sorry” like an expensive gift If you thought UC Davis didn’t care about you before, prepare to be proven wrong. Yes, the rumors are true: UC Davis has decided to gift its students not one, but two awkwardly placed massage chairs on the second floor of the MU. You might be asking […]