Humor

Former number-one cool school looking to reclaim its title As UC Davis looks to remodel its main library, the first thing to be nixed is the school’s collection of books. With nearly 40 percent of books sitting on carts with no destination, the school has decided that the best thing that it can do is […]

Delete your account I was on a date some years ago, and, while scrolling through my photo library to show her something on my phone, my worst nightmare happened. “Is that me?!” She spotted my screenshot of her Facebook photos, the ones I sent my friends when I told them about my plans. I looked […]

Tabling students provide insight into how they decide to whom they offer material An ugly incident occurred this past week on our campus. A student claimed that he was not offered a single flyer while walking past the Memorial Union (MU) tables because of his looks.  The student in question, Roger Dirkmund, a second-year human […]

Ronald Dump makes his case: ‘Why not me?’ Ronald Dump woke up on Saturday with a goal in mind. The 22-year-old decided that he wanted to be President of the United States of America. Dump is an undeclared fourth-year student from Beverly Hills, Calif. who has taken nearly 160 units of general education courses during […]

You can find out a lot about a person by looking at their purchase emojis Social media stalking isn’t creepy. Claiming to be above social media stalking when you absolutely do stalk on social media, however, is 100 percent creepy. It’s human nature. We love information. We want as much as we can possibly get. […]

New building plan seems to prioritize corn over education The land surrounding UC Davis is precious because of the school’s reputation as a top farming university. Recent attempts by the school have shown a desire to further increase the emphasis that the school has on farming. The goal: create more land. While the university does […]

A dog and his peers recount stories of a mysterious man yelling The California Aggie recently spoke to a local dog who can’t understand why his owner just won’t stop yelling. The unidentified man keeps his dog tied up to tables and benches around the Memorial Union. “He always does this. All the time. I’m […]

Administration hopes to improve transparency Given the distrust students currently have for UC Davis administration, the university announced on Tuesday that it will be installing speakers in every classroom and lecture hall on campus, the purpose being to have students hear weekly announcements from the chancellor. Students and faculty alike have expressed their discomfort with […]

The story of a man who lures guests to his parties with deceptively fun photos According to a report obtained by The California Aggie, local student Brendan Yarden, a third-year communication major and aspiring clown-college graduate, is throwing a party this coming Friday. “A huge part of throwing a party is having a really good […]

Alcohol, like Sriracha, is the nectar of life — but only in moderation I eat the same lunch every day. It’s disgusting and boring. I find the cheapest frozen, boneless, skinless chicken breasts Costco has to offer, pretend to season them, throw them on a pan and plate them. They’re so dry that I feel […]

Our ancestors who stayed in died in blazes of mediocrity I took a break from my diet the other week. I’m usually pretty strict on eating nothing but chicken breasts, egg whites, sadness and sautéed vegetables, but sometimes, I just want to pig out. In the morning, my friends wanted a Baba’s breakfast burrito, so […]

How a brave student inspired a generation by speaking up when everybody else was also willing to speak up UC Davis is such a large institution with so many brilliant students that it’s probably impossible to say there’s a single one that outsmarts the others ー until now. Eric Dukakis, second-year neurobiology, physiology and behavior […]