Humor

New policy is “unsafe” and potentially “illegal” The Coffee House has begun to run things a little differently this Spring Quarter. With its recent groundbreaking announcement to serve açai bowls all day, demand for this food has changed the entire way the place is run, with student employees now forced to toil over a hot […]

Quick and easy tips from Aggie Humorist Aaron Levins on how to get a job Dear Aaron, I recently made an account on LinkedIn, and I have no idea what I’m doing. My mom told me I needed to do this to get a job after college. She said that this was the only way […]

Makeshift boxing ring in the basement of Freeborn dictates what jokes you see Five humorists shuffle down the stairs to Lower Freeborn every Monday morning in search of two things: laughs and blood. When the print paper can only showcase three humor articles a week, this handful of serious journalists has no option but to […]

How a student turned into an exercise icon by bravely going where people go all the time Students exercise in all kinds of ways on campus. Some bike. Some run triathlons. Some go to the ARC (boring). But above all there are those who brave the trek all the way up to the top floor […]

New chancellor already in hot water before stepping foot in office A few months after being assigned his new role, future chancellor Gary May has already made a huge mistake. Appearing on the hit television show Jeopardy!, May introduced himself as the future chancellor of “UC Riverside.” He then added a “Go Aggies” to the […]

Earth-shattering exhibit to open this June They say if you love something, let it go, because if it was meant to be, it will come back to you. Unfortunately, sometimes things are just too far gone. The UC Davis community learned that lesson Thursday when some local history majors dug up an ancient artifact from […]

Fifteen-year battle with internet finally resolved with weight room wifi The UC Davis Activities and Recreation Center (ARC), which for years boasted zero cell phone service and absurdly long lines for squat racks, has finally installed a router in the weight room that will allow students to access the internet. Nearly 15 years after the […]

Local animals take nation by storm in new tell-all show Once seen nearly solely on the UC Davis website, Instagram and Facebook feeds, the UC Davis cows are hitting the small screen. Animal Planet has decided that it wishes to get involved in Davis’ local cow obsession. Located near Tercero, the UC Davis cows have […]

Donkey Jack Ascot forcefully removed from presence of other animals after causing a scene The stables used by the Animal Science department are often quaint and quiet, full of animals who live near each other in harmony. However, donkey Jack Ascot has always felt that he’d do better in the theatre and dance department, so […]

Making the most out of your self-destructive habits Look, we all want to be the best version of ourselves and make our greatest ambitions a reality. But let’s face it: We’re all hot garbage and we probably won’t. However, there’s a way to trick yourself into thinking that you’re going to absolutely kill Spring Quarter, […]

Life can get lonely as a pastry at the CoHo, especially if you’re not a cinnamon roll or chocolate-filled croissant. Pastries can’t help but imagine a better life — one in which they aren’t trapped behind a pane of glass, but living out their wildest fantasies. “In my dreams, I’m either an astronaut or a […]

Reveal of classified information sends shockwaves through UC Davis In a shocking breach of classified information, Wikileaks announced Wednesday that it obtained damaging information about Shields Library at UC Davis. The documents obtained revealed that although the doors at the library appear to be automatic, they actually open because of how repulsed they are by […]