Opinion

The bases are loaded and it’s the bottom of the ninth. The fans are cheering and the fate of the World Series is resting on your shoulders. You may be wondering why I’m referring to a baseball game when this is supposed to be about sex and relationships, right? Well, remember the good old days of high school – make that middle school, really – when we discussed our sex lives as if we were playing baseball.

My spring break was way better than all of yours. I feel like I can confidently say this because I went to the happiest place on earth. No, not Vegas. Disneyland! Probably the only place in the world where you can eat foods shaped like mice and not want to throw up. Tell me that’s not magical. A trip to the park was long overdue. I was still closing my eyes on the Haunted Mansion ride the last time I went – so it’s been like five years. I was more than ready for some giant walking characters, overpriced souvenirs and at least a churro or two.

A $1.79 million reduction to the UC Davis Intercollegiate Athletics Department could result in the removal of up to nine teams from the 2010-2011 budget.

In California one of our most prized democratic principles is keeping government proceedings open and transparent. A loophole in the law, however, means groups like the ASUCD Senate don’t have to obey the state’s open meeting rules.

When I was in elementary school, this was this time of year when my Jewishness was most obvious. For eight days, instead of enjoying my usual peanut butter and jelly on wheat bread, I’d eat it on matza – the cracker-like substance I loathe to term “Bread of Affliction.”

I feel like I forgot how to write. I think it’s because I’m no longer chilling out next to the newspaper crease, which is making me feel out of my element.

Alice, the girl I had a crush on for two years, was the first one out of all of us to do weed in high school. Five years later, we’re at McDonalds – somewhere she only agreed to go to because it was Filet-O-Fish Friday – and she’s telling us about ayahuasca, a root drug she took during her trip to Peru last fall.

A new season is about to begin and hope springs eternal. The familiar stalwarts from yesteryear are gone, and its time to evaluate the fresh crop of hopefuls. Yes, the ballot season is upon us, and it’s time to break out the voter information guides.

How can this be? How can you already have The Aggie in your hands? Did you even have a spring break?

As I sit with my Macbook in my lap, biting my nails and racking my brain for any little idea on how to start my column, my boyfriend Arthur feels a dire need to be of some assistance. He turns to me and flashes a crafty smile. Sometimes he’s just too cute for words.

Finals week is almost upon us, there’s no dead day and you’re stressed to the max. The last thing you need is a moralizing tale from someone taking 12.5 units. So today, we’ll take a little vacation – a safari, if you will. You’re about to get a glimpse into a dark, mysterious and sometimes odiferous place: the secret world of the California Aggie Marching Band-Uh!

After the third inmate asked my housemates and me if we were waiting for Paul, it occurred to me that it was because we’re Asian. “You waiting for Paul?” one of the inmates from East 33 asked us. He was re-lacing his shoes, because before arrest, the guards take your shoelaces so you don’t hang yourself with them.