College students express dating advice fatigue
By AMBER WARNKE — features@theaggie.org
As Valentine’s season approaches and stores begin to stock their shelves with heart-shaped chocolates and sappy cards, many students are reminded of the possibility of finding true love in college. However, although Aggies may be looking for a relationship, it can be difficult to find that one special person to connect with. On top of that, single students surrounded by couples sometimes have to face well-intentioned but ultimately unhelpful love advice.
Sara Pimenta, a 2025 alumna with a Bachelor of Science (B.S.) in managerial economics, appreciates her loved ones checking in, but finds little practicality in their romance tips.
“The dating advice I hear most often from friends and family tends to be pretty repetitive,” Pimenta said. “People usually say things like ‘Go out and meet people by doing activities you enjoy,’ or ‘When the timing is right, it will happen.’ While those ideas are well-intentioned, they’re also very general, and sometimes it feels like everyone is giving the same advice without acknowledging how different modern dating actually is.”
While it has always been difficult to find compatible partners, it is true that romance is statistically getting more challenging, with around half of United States adults saying that dating has become harder in the past 10 years, according to Pew Research.
Erin Burnett, a fourth-year neurobiology, physiology and behavior major, said that romantic advice can feel even less helpful in the queer dating world.
“As a queer person, people [say] stuff like, ‘Just go up to someone and flirt with them’ or ‘Talk to people in your class and then get their number and then ask them out,’” Burnett said. “It’s not always easy to tell who else is queer, so I just feel like a lot of heteronormative advice just doesn’t apply, especially with femme-presenting queer people: It’s like, who asks who out?”
It can be difficult for friends and family to know how to support their loved ones when they express their desire for a relationship, without falling into giving out cliche or unintentionally condescending advice. That’s when true encouragement can look more like listening than giving a list of what the single person should or shouldn’t do to get better luck at the impossible game of dating. Advice can still be welcomed when it is asked for, but single people may feel more understood if their loved ones acknowledge how confusing modern dating can be, according to Aashi Shah, a third-year neurobiology, physiology and behavior major.
“We’re in an age group in which a lot of people are in relationships, and people are at different levels of seriousness in the relationships too,” Shah said. “There are a lot of people who are in their first relationship versus people who are getting engaged and thinking about their long-term future[s]. The fact that there are so many people in such different stages of relationships kind of causes other people who aren’t in relationships to be like, ‘Oh, everyone has something going on.’”
The ever-present pressure to be in a relationship in college can be something helpful for people to keep in mind before venturing to give their single friends or family unprompted advice, according to Shah. What might seem like a friendly check-in on a peer or relative’s love life could end up adding to someone’s feelings of being the odd one out of the dating world.
“There is always the impact of social media […] every time it’s National Boyfriend Day, National Girlfriend Day, Valentine’s Day — all of the random days when you are reminded that every single person you know [is] in a relationship — I think it just floods your feed so much that you can’t escape it, so you’re forced to think about it,” Shah said.
Valentine’s Day can magnify feelings of depression for some, but there are ways students can protect their mental health if they are feeling particularly vulnerable at this time of year. One psychologist recommends appreciating loved ones on Valentine’s Day, even if those connections aren’t romantic. Celebrating Valentine’s Day with friends or family can be a relief from the pressure to find romantic love.
Ultimately — no matter how single Aggies feel about their love lives — students can keep in mind that their relationship status does not determine their worth, and that love is all around them, according to Shah.
“I think remembering how loved you are is the most important thing, whether that be romantic or not romantic,” Shah said. “Just knowing that you have a lot of people in your corner that love you so much — that might be able to do a lot more for you than a relationship will.”
Written by: Amber Warnke — features@theaggie.org
