Humor

Stop dropping your bowling balls! By MADISON SEEMAN — meseeman@ucdavis.edu Dear upstairs neighbor: Neighbors are a natural side effect of any community. Whether you’re separated by a dubiously sturdy fence, acres of land or paper-thin plaster walls, everybody has them — and some of us can hear their (mostly) domestic pitter-patter a little more than […]

Shaq said it was okay   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu   I was biking to class the other day at a leisurely pace when — BAM! I collided with an electric scooter. I’d like to say that I’m sorry, but it definitely wasn’t my fault. This electric scooter was manned by a very tall […]

How to tell if he was checking you out or just checking you out   By MADISON SEEMAN — meseeman@ucdavis.edu   There’s a new man in my life. He’s smart, he’s easy on the eyes, he’s employed — it all started at Trader Joe’s. In one intense moment, we locked eyes as his coworker stuffed […]

The people aren’t ready for spray-on shoes yet   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu   There was once a little engineer who loved math so much that he committed to UC Davis with hopes and dreams of all the math he would be doing in his engineering classes. In the beginning, he excelled in all […]

Save us from the podcasting pandemic   By MADISON SEEMAN — meseeman@ucdavis.edu   Every day, millions of unassuming victims find themselves struck by the urge to start a podcast. Many resist the call, but in far too many cases — especially for men in their 20s and 30s — we see them giving into that […]

The REAL experts on dating   By MADISON SEEMAN — meseeman@ucdavis.edu   Modern dating is hard. It seems like messy relationships are around every corner: drama, cheating and — worst of all — situationships. Not for me, of course, but fragments of totally ethical eavesdropping and the stories from friends paint a dire picture of […]

Who will win?   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu   Recently, there’s been some rumbling caused by grown men on social media, who think that they could collectively take down a single gorilla. Not only is this troubling because it promotes violence, but the poor gorilla would be forced to interact with 100 men at […]

Which came first, the oat or the milk?   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu   Early one morning, dawn broke over the UC Davis Tercero dorms. At about the same time, Jonathan heard the shrieking cry of his iPhone alarm from his bedside table. When he attempted to turn off the alarm, he missed, making […]

They might be late and semi-anonymous, but at least they’re sorry!   By MADISON SEEMAN — meseeman@ucdavis.edu   Your friends are sorry. From not commenting on your most recent Instagram post to making excessive “Breaking Bad” references, they know they’ve messed up. There are a number of little crimes we commit in friendships — little […]

Watch out, ladies   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu   In a not-so-far-away land, dubbed the “Pad,” there slept many Unitrans buses through the night. Not a single bus was stirring, not even the Z line (he’s a heavy sleeper). You see, these buses need their sleep because their days start bright and early. To […]

Riddle me this, Troll   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu   There’s a new trend developing on the UC Davis campus, and clearly, I need to know about it. Couples are flocking to the Arboretum in droves, with the hopes of strengthening their relationships. Some may think they are participating in the “love lock” tradition, […]