Humor

Is this wheelie happening?!   By AUDREY ZHANG – aurzhang@ucdavis.edu   What used to be a beloved pastime is now in danger of dying out. Seniors armed with drinking helmets and air horns camped outside of the Silo roundabout on the first day of the quarter were left disappointed as they were denied the show […]

Please contribute to their GoFundMe   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu   Lately, the economic and political state of the world has been bleak to say the least. Inflation is wreaking havoc across the nation, resulting in a higher cost of living and lower disposable incomes.  Of all social classes, the one hit the hardest […]

Sign now!   By AUDREY ZHANG – aurzhang@ucdavis.edu   When was the last time you’ve been inside a monument to human engineering? When was the last time you saw colors that clashed so horribly they made the presidential debate look like a loving embrace? When have we as a society lost our sense of whimsy? […]

If you know anything that can help, speak now or forever hold your silence   By MAYA KORNYEYEVA — mkornyeyeva@ucdavis.edu    Look. I know that the following message may sound crazy. You might (perhaps rightfully) question my sanity. I urge you to cast those thoughts aside. Seriously. Toss them in a bin, cover the lid […]

The jawline goes crazy   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu    UC Davis is a well-known, acclaimed university with esteemed faculty and plenty of research opportunities. However, it’s also known as “cow town.” Every freshman who is accepted into this fine institution is selected based on their knowledge that the cow goes moo.  Unsurprisingly, the […]

Audrey’s guide to the critters on campus   By AUDREY ZHANG — aurzhang@ucdavis.edu   The first time I came to UC Davis, a turkey blocked my path to the information center. I looked into its eyes. In them, I saw rage, a brutal tragic past and a thirst for first-year blood. I saw my death. […]

Someone please tell me this happened to them too   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu    I recently changed my major to managerial economics with an accounting minor, because I realized that I’m passionate about getting a lot of money. The transition was fairly easy, I was able to get all of my prerequisites done, […]

To the man listening to music without headphones   By AUDREY ZHANG — aurzhang@ucdavis.edu   I fell for you at first sound. The moment I saw you, ears bared, open to listening to all the world, especially to your music speaker; I could think of no other. Not even the man taking phone calls in […]

I have a lot of great fundraising ideas   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu    My tuition goes up every year, and yet this school is still supposedly short on money. Remember when Sunset Fest got canceled due to lack of funds? It’s time to act, Aggies. If we’re going to get our money up, […]

One of us is a lethal weapon of mass destruction and the other is Godzilla   By AUDREY ZHANG — aurzhang@ucdavis.edu   I know what you’re thinking. How can a stunning, six-foot-five, cancer-curing college bombshell ever compete with the one cool thing that came out of nuclear armageddon? She doesn’t have a chance. And you’d […]

They are better than us, I fear   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu    The P and Q are fourth-year undergraduate buses, each with a double major, a part-time job and no signs of burnout. If they make you feel unworthy of your spot here at UC Davis, join the club. Even other bus lines […]

In other words: bus beef   By ALLISON KELEHER — adkeleher@ucdavis.edu   If you have ever ridden on a Unitrans bus line, you have probably noticed the friendly disposition of the drivers. I have seen the drivers chatting with each other before their buses depart and overall having an admiral little community. Once on the […]