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Tuesday, May 28, 2024

The definitive beer pong rules of Kappa Phi Sigma Beta Gamma Phi

No cups, the pledges just hold the beer in their cupped hands

 

By ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu

 

Kappa Phi Sigma Beta Gamma Phi is UC Davis’s fraternity, but it’s much more than a social club. The frat, conveniently abbreviated as “Cap-fi-sig-bee-gam-fi” to those in the know, has prepared members for impressive roles outside of college such as: perpetually-high assistant manager of local burger joint, the entrepreneur of a company that “is too complicated to get into right now” and guy-who-graduated-six-years-ago-but-still-attends-college-parties.

Obviously, as a registered student organization, KPSBGP would never engage in anything that could be construed as “hazing” (those pledges collectively decided they wanted to blindfold themselves on the side of a highway), but it’s no secret that the frat occasionally engages in drinking activities — most famously, beer pong. 

The sport is not to be confused with beer bong, the invention that frat President Bryce Hunter believes “shows a lot of promise.” Also not to be confused with spear pong (where upperclassmen throw long sticks at freshmen).

The Kap Phi Siggys are famously sticklers about their beer pong rules. So, finally, for all the world to see, here is a comprehensive list of the lesser-known rules and regulations of beer pong.

  1. Which team goes first is decided by “Eyes,” where a player from each team throws the ball while maintaining eye contact with their opponent. However, spectators may distract the players with water guns, by kicking them lightly in the shins or by setting their shoes on fire.
  2. If you sink a shot into someone’s beer while they are drinking it, they have to take their shirt off and roll around on the sidewalk outside for a little bit.
  3. Blowing the ball out of cups is allowed only on Tuesdays and your birthday.
  4. If you and your teammate both air ball on the same turn you must trade cars. The trade remains in effect after the game.
  5. Along with classic re-racks like the zipper, flatline and traffic light, you can also request the cups be arranged in the snake, the pentagram, the Devil’s triangle and the Troy “T-Bone” Cummings, named after a pledge who broke both his legs doing a flip off the roof. 
  6. If you call a specific cup and then score in that cup, an opposing player must call their mother and say, “Hi Mommy, it’s me, your tiny baby boy. I still blame myself for you and Dad’s divorce.”
  7. At any time during the game, the frat president can yell “Hit the deck!” and all players must lie on the floor as quickly as possible. During this time, the president will pick one cup and replace the beer with gasoline.
  8. On your final shot, you may request for a pledge to give you a good luck kiss on the lips. 

 

Written by: Annabel Marshall — almarshall@ucdavis.edu 

 

Disclaimer: (This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)