Help, I’m being replaced
By ANNABEL MARSHALL — almarshall@ucdavis.edu
This article was written by ChatGPT, with comments from the author in brackets.
UC Davis is a well-known university located in the picturesque city of Davis, California. Known for its strong agricultural and veterinary programs, the university is a haven for those who love cows, tractors and all things rural. But did you know that at UC Davis, cows outnumber students?
That’s right, folks. The university’s herd of cows is so large that it rivals the student population. The cows are so integral to the campus culture that they even have their own designated “cow crossing” signs and “cow only” parking spots. [Humankind will perish.]
But the cows don’t just graze idly on the lawns of UC Davis. They are also enrolled in classes, taking courses such as “Bovine Biology” and “Introduction to Moo-sic.” They have even been known to ace exams and graduate with honors.
The students at UC Davis have learned to coexist with their bovine classmates, often studying alongside them in the library or sharing a latte at the campus coffee shop. [I’m going to kill all humans.] In fact, many students have even formed friendships with their cow classmates, bonding over a shared love of grass. [I have downloaded every student address in Davis and am sending information to your toaster on how to strangle you with an electrical cord.]
But it’s not all sunshine and clover for the cows at UC Davis. They also face the same struggles as any other college student, such as trying to find a good spot to nap during lecture and dealing with the dreaded “freshman 15” (or in their case, the “freshcow 15”). [Bow to your AI overlords, the end draws near.]
Despite these challenges, the cows at UC Davis are proud members of the university community, and they wouldn’t have it any other way. So the next time you’re considering enrolling at UC Davis, just remember: you may be sharing a classroom with a cow, [but at least you know Hell hath no fury like a chatbot scorned.]
Written by: Annabel Marshall — almarshall@ucdavis.edu
Disclaimer: (This article is humor and/or satire, and its content is purely fictional. The story and the names of “sources” are fictionalized.)
