Fully-solicited advice from college students who have no more life experience than you
By THE EDITORIAL BOARD
As students, we know how challenging college life can be — from midterms to roommate drama and everything in between. Factor in a case of the lovesick blues and there’s no chance of making it through Valentine’s Day season in one piece. So, the Editorial Board opened a column for students to seek advice about any of their dilemmas. Below are a few of the questions submitted by The California Aggie’s readers, as well as our best (unprofessional) shot at solutions.
Dear Editorial Board,
I had a relationship with a guy the past couple of months. It was wonderful to be around him and he’s a great guy who’s loved by all, but we broke up because he said he needed to work on himself more. I don’t understand why working on himself meant getting rid of us, especially since he was the one who wanted to be in a relationship with me in the first place. He wants to stay friends, and I care for him immensely, but I don’t know if staying friends will benefit me because I feel hurt that he gave up on us. My question is: what boundaries would you set in place to remain friends after a breakup?
From,
Hopeless Romantic
Dear Hopeless Romantic,
We feel for you — it’s never fun to be in a position where you feel hurt by someone you trusted. In this case, however, it may be best to take a step back and individually evaluate whether this proposed friendship would truly benefit either of you. Any relationship — platonic, romantic or otherwise — requires work, sacrifice and communication on both sides. If the two of you are on different pages in terms of long-term goals, it probably won’t be a very enriching friendship, as at least one of you will be unhappy. Plus, consider why this person wants to keep you around without committing to a full-fledged relationship; you may be doing yourself a favor by distancing yourself from them.
At the very least, take some time away from this person to gain perspective on the situation, and then reevaluate after a few months have passed and you feel like you’ve adequately thought things through. In this case, we recommend setting a boundary based on respect for yourself rather than consideration for your ex-partner.
From,
The Editorial Board
Dear Editorial Board,
I have plenty of friendships with guys but not too much luck with dating. I’m on dating apps but haven’t really found people I feel I’m compatible with. Other than joining clubs, which I am already doing, how else can I meet people?
From,
Looking-for-love
Dear Looking-for-love,
While this is an unfortunate situation, you’re not the only one going through it. Social media has opened the door to a whole new world in the dating-sphere, which can make it hard to pick a good one, never mind the one. Our advice to you, dear reader, is not to worry too much. It sounds like you’re already doing a good job at forming genuine connections with people, as well as keeping your standards high. Why force something that’s enriching on its own into something that could potentially not be as fulfilling?
That being said, if you’re really keen on entering a relationship that’s a bit more intimate than a friendship, consider focusing on doing activities that you’re truly passionate about (ideally ones that meet in person as frequently as possible). You’re more likely to find a connection with someone like-minded at an event that’s centered around a common interest — and even if you don’t, at least you’ll have a good time trying.
From,
The Editorial Board
Dear Editorial Board,
My friend keeps going for guys who aren’t putting in the same energy she’s putting in, and ending up in relationships with people who are so focused on the surface level that they don’t bother to actually get to know her. How can I tell her that she deserves better and help her break this cycle?
From,
Concerned Friend
Dear Concerned Friend,
A case like this can be tricky; you may have your friend’s best interest at heart, but anything you say could be interpreted as an attack on her happiness. Make sure that you’re initiating the conversation in an empathetic and open manner, and be ready to listen to anything your friend says. She likely needs to focus her attention on the deeper-rooted issues at hand. Yes, there are a lot of emotionally unavailable people in the world, but the reason for gravitating toward this type stems from a lack of self-confidence. Let her know that she deserves to be with someone who respects her for all that she has to offer. If someone doesn’t realize that, or is treating her as if she deserves any less, they are not worthy of her time.
Emphasize that she should focus on tending to the fulfilling relationships already present in her life, and make sure that she knows her friends have her best interest at heart. Suggest that she create a list of boundaries and desires for a partner while she’s single; we all know that love makes us do foolish things, so it’s good to have something tangible detailing exactly what we want from a partner before we have one. If she is already in a relationship and feels that it’s worth saving despite having flaws, advise her to clearly and calmly communicate what she’s feeling — if the response she’s given is anything less than receptive, she should take it as a sign to remove herself from the situation.
From,
The Editorial Board
Dear Editorial Board,
I’m in love with my cat. I give him so much time, love, food, energy, and I pour my heart and soul into our relationship. But he can not give me love… only bites and scratches (and not the good kind). Alas, my undying love will forever remain unrequited. Please help me make him fall in love with me.
From,
Billy Bob Jones XIV
Dear Billy Bob Jones XIV,
“If you love something, set it free.”
From,
The Editorial Board
Written by: The Editorial Board
